Comments started pouring in, some people insulting her others were nice to her. She did not read most of the comments anyway because all of them kept reminding her that her uncle was deaad. She just went on with her crying. That girl cried a lot for her uncle. She went back to her uncle’s place the following day and the family had decided that the funeral would be on the following Saturday. Nolwazi still had not accepted that her uncle was gone and she was still furious! She was helping with the preparations but she always wanted to do things that would take her away from that house. Like going to town to buy groceries, or collecting insurance information for her malumekazi. She did not like sitting around the house at all.
The whole week and the next passed still like that. She would move around the area during the day. At night when bazalwane come for the afternoon prayer she would go outside and cry until they would leave. She did not attend even a single afternoon prayer that was brought to her uncle’s home. Finally it was Friday and in the afternoon the family got ready for her uncle’s body to come back for the mlindelo and the funeral. On this day Nolwazi made sure she was away from the homestead for as long as possible. At around 6pm she finally decided to go back to the house. She assumed she would find the welcoming of the body already done and she would not have to be there.
To her disappointment she got there just a few minutes after the hearse brought the body. She went to the back door as she always did and she stayed in the kitchen. She did not want to go and be with her family. One of the relatives came to her in the kitchen and begged her to come and be with the family “I do not want to” she said without thinking. Then one of her distance uncles came and asked if she did not want to see her uncle. Lwazi thought that- he did not mean that her uncle was alive, but was asking her to go see his dead body!! There was no way she was going to do that. But she let that uncle drag her to the sitting room.
She did not take even one single look at the coffin. But at least it was already covered in a sheet. She thought good then they were done looking at the body. To her dismay they still hadn’t seen the body. Only the family members were allowed to. When they announced this Nolwazi could not help herself. She cried for the first time in front of people and quickly ran out of the sitting room to the bedroom and locked herself in there and did not open fro anyone who knocked. She still could not accept it. This is a nightmare and some one will come and wake her from it! It can not be true!
When she was a bit calm she went into her online topic on that forum. She read some comments and one comment got her thinking. It went like this:
“Dear lady, we do not know if there is or no after life. But imagine if there was an afterlife. Imagine if your uncle’s spirit is still alive. It is not like your uncle was ignorant towards what was happening to your family. He knew that and from what I hear about him being a father figure I am sure he did not give up just like that. But even if he did give up then there is nothing anyone can do now. Imagine how he would feel knowing how angry you are at him right now and yet there is nothing he can do to make it better for you. He can not wake himself up and come and say good bye. No one can escape their death. If it has come then you have no choice but to say yes.
You are saying your uncle was selfish but you seem to be the one who is more selfish. Unlike your uncle you are still alive and have a chance to make a better life for yourself and your cousins and your family. Your uncle can not do that no matter how much he wants to. If you love him the way you say you love him then you need to accept that he is gone and the least you can do is forgive him and let him rest in peace.”
Nolwazi read this comment over and over again. She loved her uncle. She had to understand that he was gone and never coming back, no matter how much he wanted to. He owed him the forgiveness. She could not stand with herself knowing that her uncle’s spirit was not at peace because of her moaning. She had stopped crying. She did not feel like crying anymore. She imagined that most of her family members were probably feeling the same way she did before reading that comment and that must be very difficult for her uncle. She decided right there and there that she was at peace. “I got your back malume” she thought. And she fell asleep as if she was on drugs, until the following day. When she woke up the following day her family had broken the door so they could come in but found her sleeping peacefully and did not wake her
The day of the funeral was looking good, the sun was shinning Nolwazi could feel her soul was more at ease now. She offered to read a poem that her malumekazi wrote for her uncle during the funeral, as a matter of fact she spoke to her malumekazi for the first time since she got to that house. All along they would speak through messengers and notes. She was even prepared to render a song at the funeral. She had downloaded the instrumentals for Mariah Carey – Bye bye and she was going to sing it for her uncle. When it was time to see the body she went and saw it. She stood there for sometime looking at her uncle looking peaceful with his eyes closed. She whispered “Ndiyakixolela malume” still she did not cry. Within her was something saying “you cried for two weeks straight because you were angry. Be at peace nontombi, xola, he is gone. Never coming back. Forgive him” She could not cry anymore. She imagined herself being at a better position than her uncle and she thought she needed to be strong for him.
Everybody was crying when the body was being lowered in the grave, she was the only one not crying. She was at peace and all she thought was that she owed her uncle to show him that they can survive even when he is gone. That way his soul can rest in peace. Showing her uncle how helpless they would become without him was a no no.
This story is finished. So all those who have lost their loved ones and are still angry please let them rest in peace. I am sure if they could they would love to come back and make better decisions, but it is impossible for them. Let them rest in peace; you owe them that if you love them.
The End