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Episode 20
Thuli was not sure she wanted to hear anything about Thami, but she did not want to disappoint her mother. “You can ask sisi”. Nomsa paused for sometime then she asked “would you like to know him?” “No, no, no. I don’t.” Thuli answered without even thinking twice, she responded so fast her mother did not even get to finish her question “I want nothing to do with the man, there is nothing that he can ever do that would make me feel better. No I don’t want to know him”. She said, “Okay okay, I get you young girl. That is okay. I just thought you might want to know.” Nomsa said. “No I don’t.
That was the last time they talked about that. However Thuli did not stop wondering what her mom had in mind. As far as Thuli was concerned no one in her family had contacts to Thami and then she was confused about how her mom would help her (Thuli) meet her father. But she let it go and thought about other things.
Nomsa was doing her practicals as well after the schools reopened in July, but she was doing them in Mthatha. Thuli continued with her std 3 (grade 5). For some reason after the June holidays every day her friends were talking about their fathers. She wondered if the girls always talked about their fathers or was she noticing just because the topic about her father had been brought back to her life. Either way she never had anything to say, she wished so much that she could talk about a father as well.
Days went by and one day Thuli overheard mam Lindi and another woman talking about Nomsa. They were saying something about rumours that said Nomsa was living with a man in Mthatha. That man had a house and was divorced. Thuli did not take what she heard serious. After all it was nothing she had never heard before. From since she was young she heard people saying worse things about her mother.
When Nomsa had left for Mthatha in July she had promised to come back during September holidays, but she did not. She did send a letter that she was not gonna come back in though and Sanele shared it with the kids. Nomsa said she was gona come back in December. Life went on. Thuli grew up. “Thuli com here” mam Lindi called out on Thuli one day. “Thuli do you want to tell me something sisi?” mam Lindi asked. “something like what mam Lindi?” (mam Lindi liked to be called liked that for whatever reason, only her children called her mama, everyone else even older people called her mam Lindi)
“Are these yours?” mam Lindi asked Thuli while holding the pack of pads. After her mother had showed them to her and put them away Thuli took them with her when she went to mam Lindi. Mam Lindi found them when she was doing house cleaning. Thuli was not sure if she was in trouble or what. She had no idea what to say. “Yes” she said shyly. “Thuli why did you not tell me you got into woman hood? Who bought them for you? Oh don’t tell me Sanele bought them for you”. “uSisi gave them to me.” Thuli said. “My God Thuli, how long has this been going on?” Thuli was lost for a second but she got it “Oh mam Lindi, I am not using them. My mom gave them to me so I could keep them” “ow, okay” mam Lindi said. Thuli realised that she was not in trouble or anything.
Thuli was still feeling rather attached to her mother and she was happy that when her mom was around they spoke a lot. Not a lot of people were still saying bad things about her mother, but if someone did she would not cry or walk away, but she would defend her mother. The boys hadn’t stopped harassing her and her friends and they were still on the same page that boys were just naughty and wanted to get them in trouble. There was a particular boy though that lived not very far from mam Lindi’s house and the boy was in std 4. Thuli and this boy always walked together to and from school ever since that year began.
Being friends with this boy made the other girls think that Thuli had a boyfriend. Whenever she said the boy was not her boyfriend she would just get teased. The boy however never said anything about being Thuli’s boyfriend and they were just friends and that was it. It was not like anyone between the 2 of them even knew what you were supposed to do with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but life went on anyway with everyone teasing them. What fascinated Thuli about this boy was that he also did not know his father and his mother was working in Durban to only come back once a year and the boy was living with his grandparents as well.
Okay let’s leave Thuli and the boy. In December Nomsa did not come back again as promised. Thuli waited patiently but nothing. The following year January Thuli asked her uncle if she could go to Mthatha and just go check out her mom so she would know what was holding her. Lucky for Thuli one of the neighbours were gonna go to Mthatha and she knew where Nomsa was supposedly staying and the school she had been doing her practicals on so Thuli went with this neighbour to Mthatha, 11 year old turning 12 was on a journey to find her mother.
Uncle and mam Lindi believed in Thuli that was why they let her go. She had been very responsible and showed so much maturity
Episode 21
The trip to Mthata was a long one, especially because Thuli and the lady she was with were travelling during the day and Thuli could not sleep during the journey. Thuli knew that her mother did not know she was coming, the day was Wednesday and the teachers had already opened schools. Thuli and neighbour got to Mthatha right before 13:00. The neighbour lady suggested that they go straight to the school which Nomsa was doing her practicals the previous year.
They got to that school, it was big and they went to the reception which was opened and they asked about Nomsa, luckily all the teachers were still at school and it seemed like Nomsa was going to work in that school as a volunteer teacher why she waited for her application to work there full time to be approved. She was there with all the teachers. “Why don’t you call her cellphone?” The receptionist asked. The lady with Thuli explained that they did not have her phone number.
They were not allowed to go to her, so the receptionist went to call Nomsa. Thuli saw her mother coming and she just felt like crying. She could not believe that she had to come all the way to Mthatha just to see her mother. Why didn’t she(Nomsa) go back home in December? Did she (Thuli ) upset her when she did not want to hear anything about her father? Why was her mother being so difficult? Nomsa saw Thuli and she was shocked. “Thuli” she said as she went to hug her. Thuli started crying. Nomsa sat down at a chair that was there in the reception. Thuli sat next to her then Nomsa took Thuli’s head and put it on her lap and comforted her.
“Why are you crying nontombi? What is wrong? Are Sanele and Ndudu okay?” Nomsa asked sounding worried. She had no idea what was happening, why was Thuli there unannounced? Was her family doing great? Did something happen? And then Thuli was crying. “They are okay” Thuli said in a crying voice, still finding it hard to calm down. “Ow okay.” Nomsa said as she was puzzled. The lady who came with Thuli told Nomsa she was going to her place which was around that area and she directed Nomsa where it was should she need it. Nomsa said that was okay.
Nomsa was still holding Thuli on her lap and Thuli was till crying. Nomsa had no idea why Thuli was there and why was she crying. Thuli was not saying anything either. Nomsa then left Thuli for a minute, she said she was going go get her bag, they were done with the day’s work anyway. So she got her bag and she and Thuli got on a taxi to town as it was not far.
Nomsa took her to a Chicken licken, Thuli was calm and then her mother asked her what the matter was “sisi andithi wena awubuyanga (you did not come back), all the other people came back and only my mother was not back. You did not tell me why and I did not know if you were still alright. I thought maybe I made you leave.” Thuli said as tears were feeling her eyes again. Her mom tried to comfort her and reminding her that they were in public. Thuli held herself.
“I haven’t left because of you, what gave you that idea? Listen young girl, I will come back, neh? Just give me a few weeks and maybe sometime in February I will come back.” Noma said. Thuli then made her mom promise that she will really come back. Nomsa promised. “I did not know you missed me, If I had known I was going to come back” Thuli could not believe what her mother just said. Of cause she(Thuli) missed her(Nomsa) she was her mother for crying out loud. Thuli thought her mother was weird. Maybe what Tat’uMjilo (the old uncle) said about Nomsa being crazy was true. But Thuli was relieved to see that her mother was alive.
Obviously she could not go back to Mzimkhulu that same day, “Where I live we are not allowed to have unannounced visitors. I’ll ask makhi(the lady who came with Nomsa) if she can accommodate you for the night. Then tomorrow I will come and make sure you go home safe.” Thuli did not mind that arrangement even though she would have preferred to spend a night with her mother. Anyway the day was over and the following day Nomsa asked her principal if she could take the whole morning off to attend a personal matter. She was not bothered much because she was a temp anyway.
“You should call me on my phone Thuli, but I will come back in February, I promise you” Nomsa said as she was about to leave Thuli in a taxi back to Mzimkhulu. Thuli was just relived that she would tell her uncle that her mom was alive. “Did you find your mom?” Sanele asked as he was home, the schools were open for teachers but he was living at his home because the school was not strict with the times yet. “Yes I saw her, she said she will come back in February”. Thuli said “Did she tell you why she was coming back?” Sanele asked. “She said just to see us..,” Thuli responded.. “Oh I see” Sanele said and he left.
Thuli then was telling Ndudu about the trip to Mthatha and everything she saw. Mam Lindi walked in and started singing praises “hikikikikikikiki, yakhula intombazana, ukwazi ukuya eMthatha abuye (Praising Thuli for going alone to Mthatha)” mam Lindi said as she hugged Thuli “how was the trip? Did you see your mother? Did she tell you everything?” mam Lindi asked. “She said she will come back in February” Thuli said. “Mmm, so she told you everything?”. “Everything? ” ThuIi asked puzzled. “Yhoo it means she did not tell you, leave it, we will deal with it later.” Mama Lindi said, “What is it mam Lindi?” Thuli asked “no zizinto zabantu abadala”
Episode 22
“No zizinto zabantu abadala (that’s adults business)” mam Lindi told Thuli and she left the room so Thuli would not ask any more questions. Thuli wondered what that was about, oh well, maybe it was nothing. Maybe they just assumed that Nomsa would tell her more. She decided to let it go, even though it kept torturing her.
First weekend of February came and as promised Nomsa went home. It was Friday afternoon when she arrived with some nice goodies and some new toys for the children. She was very friendly to everyone, even mam Lindi. Everyone was surprised at the new behaviour. On the following Saturday Sanele took Ndudu to see some relatives in another area and Nomsa was left with Thuli.
“There is something I need to tell you” Nomsa said to Thuli sounding nervous. Thuli wondered what her mother wanted to tell her, she thought of all sort of things, maybe Nomsa was pregnant, maybe Nomsa was back together with Thami, maybe she got another job, maybe she was moving back home, but that would not be something that would make her nervous. It had to be something about Nomsa being a mother to Thuli. Maybe she is pregnant. Thuli’s mind was stuck on pregnancy.
“Err you remember when I did not come back last December?” Thuli nodded. They were both sitting down on the bench that was in the kitchen; they were facing each other. “I met a guy”, she paused. Thuli thought - what the hell? Where is this going? “He is a good guy, goes to church and I am going to get married to him”. Thuli did not respond. That was a last blow her mother could throw at her. Thuli was 12 years old, never knew her father and hardly knew her mother. In her mind she had always thought that when her mother started working then they would live together as a family and get to know each other just like a mother and a daughter. But seemingly here mother had different plans.
Thuli thought that no one she(Thuli) knew could change Nomsa’s mind. When she(Nomsa) makes up her mind to do whatever the hell she wanted then she always just did it without ever considering other people’s feelings. She(Thuli) was not prepared to reason with Nomsa at that stage. She was a respectful child and could not be telling adults what to do. “Say something nontombi”. Nomsa said to Thuli. “No it’s okay, you can get married.” Thuli responded, but the words almost did not come out because they were stuck on her throat. If she had tried to speak normally then tears would just flow down her cheeks, but she did not want to cry.
“Thuli, that is why I thought maybe you might want to know your father, but you said you were not interested. I don’t want you to feel left out” Nomsa said. “No, I am okay” Thuli responded. She was not okay at all. All she wanted was to be with her mother, get to know her mother, be able to share jokes and her life encounters with her mother. Was that too much to ask? Did she long for that just because she was a kid? Why couldn’t her mother see the same vision? Why did it seem like she was not so important to her mother?
“This guys is really great Thuli, I told him about you and he would like to meet you. I am sure you will have a healthy relationship with him, he has a house and you can have your own bedroom in there” Nomsa said. Thuli did not hear any of that. “Sisi can I go and visit Vuyi? Her mother was going to buy her a new doll today” Thuli said already on her feet. “No we are still talking.” Nomsa said. Thuli still did not hear her mother and she just left and went to Vuyi’s place and stayed there. She was hoping that it would all be a bad dream, she was wishing that when she got home her mom would say she was joking. When she got to Vuyi she saw the new doll and played and that took her mind off her mother for a while.
It got late and she went home. Sanele and Ndudu were back too and Nomsa had cooked. No one talked about the marriage, she wondered if malume knew about it. But she was not going to ask him. It was none of her business. The night went on as usual. Thuli slept on her own bed instead of her mother’s. The following day mam Lindi came to say good bye to Nomsa. They spoke for a while then the kids went with Nomsa to accompany her to the bus.
After her mother was gone she realised that she might not have been joking. Her mother was going to get married. And she had said something about her (Thuli) living with them(Nomsa and hubby). Like hell she was going to do that. Her gogo’s house was weak as it was and it was facing doom, she (Thuli) was not going to abandon it as well like her mother did. Thuli wished once again that Sanele was her father, she even wished to be gogo’s child. Being Nomsa’s child was nothing but pain in her life. Nomsa always had ways to just press all the red buttons and send everyone to panic. It was really sad that she was Thuli’s mother.
A few weeks after that, the people from Mthatha came to Thuli’s home to bring lobola for Nomsa. Thuli was not present that whole day so she did not get to see those men. They were not going to spend a night at her home because they had relatives in that area. So they went to sleep with their relatives. Thuli never saw them. She was only aware that her mother was officially leaving them.
Life went on and Sanele bought a phone; he announced to the kids about the new phone and that Thuli was going to be able to speak to her mother over the weekends when malume was home. Thuli was not excited at all. Ndudu could speak to his mother as well when he wanted to because Sanele had got Ndudu’s mother’s contacts. Ndudu was excited. Thuli just enjoyed playing snakes on her malume’s 3310. She was really not interested in speaking to her mom.
Nomsa must have realized that Thuli was distanced because when she(Nomsa) would call Sanele and request to speak to Thuli, Thuli had nothing to say. Everyione knew that Thuli was a blabber mouth. “You should come visit me over the weekend Thuli, I want you to meet some one” Nomsa said one day over the phone. Thuli got sick in her stomach to think that her mom was going to maker her meet her to be step father. She just wished that a miracle could happen and Nomsa made her meet her father (Thami) instead. But she could not argue with an adult. Her malume and mam Lindi prepared her to go to Mthatha, by herself this time around.
Episode 23
Nomsa was called and told that Thuli was on the way. Thuli made sure she had her mother’s phone number so she would call her the minute she got off the taxi. She was looking forward to seeing her mother but she was not really interested in seeing the husband to be. She had already made up her mind that she was not going to call him tata(father), she was not going to live with her mother and husband. For all her life that she could remember Thuli never had a fatherly person in her life. Only Sanele was an older man in her life and Sanele was more like a brother to her, they were 13 years apart.
So Thuli was 12 years, she could not start at that age to be introduced to a father. If her mother wanted to get married then she could go ahead. But she should no expect Thuli to go with her. Thuli was prepared to speak for herself.
She got to Mthatha and called Nomsa. Nomsa was already close by as she had timed the taxi from Mzimkhulu, so within a few minutes she was with Thuli. “The person I want to meet is here in town. Lets go to him” Nomsa said to Thuli. Thuli just said okay. They went on their way to this guy’s work, they got there and asked to speak to him. He came over to them and greeted. The man seemed older, maybe his late 30’s. Nomsa was approaching her 30th birthday. The man looked at Thuli and had a puzzled look. He looked at Nomsa, “Oh Langa, this is Thuli, Thuli this is tatuLanga” “This old kid is Thuli?” the man asked looking shocked.
Thuli just stood there and said nothing; she was wondering why that man thought she would be young. “Hahahahaha I thought you were a small child. I was even amazed that your mother let you travel alone.” The man said, Thuli just giggled as well and said nothing.
What had happened was Nomsa had never told this man about Thuli, even the teachers at school did not know about Thuli, but one of the teachers knew the makhi who went with Thuli to Mthatha that January, so that teacher got it from the makhi lady that Thuli is Nomsa’s child and told others via gossip. Somehow the news reached Nomsa’s boyfriend, but the boyfriend never got the age of the child. He asked Nomsa about the child. Lucky for Nomsa she had never said she did not have a child, the topic just never came up. So she told her boyfriend that it was not like she had lied.
Nomsa told the boyfriend that she did not tell him about the child because she was afraid. The boyfriend was very understanding; after throwing a few fits he calmed down and said he would not be angry as he understood. So all along he thought Thuli was maybe 5 years old. Then Nomsa would be afraid to talk about her (Thuli) because of unresolved issues with Thuli’s father. To find out that Thuli was almost a teenager he was shocked. But he let it go, Thuli seemed like a smart kid.
It was on Saturday and lucky for Thuli and Nomsa they caught tat uLanga just before his lunch hour, so they all went out on lunch. He brought food for all of them and stayed with them only for a little while. He then announced to Nomsa that as planned he was still not gonna come back home that afternoon because of a trip he had to go to along with his colleagues. He did not think he would be able to see Thuli before she left the following day. That was fine with Nomsa, she was relived that he was leaving anyway. He was great indeed but not to be added in her life, no thanks.
Thuli and Nomsa spent the rest of the day shopping, Nomsa brought Thuli a lot of clothes, almost like Nomsa was bribing Thuli so Thuli would soften up. Thuli noticed this and just felt sorry for her mother. Thuli was not even prepared to try and give the guy a chance, she still thought that her mother could have waited a little longer.
In the afternoon they got in a taxi and went to this man’s house. Thuli was surprised that her mom lived with this man and by the looks of things it looked like Nomsa had bee living with the man long before lobola was payed. It must have been true then what mam Lindi and other women were gossiping about that one time saying Nomsa was vat n sitting with a divorced man.
The following day Thuli wanted to leave in the morning. She had seen that the man lived in a 2 bedroomed house, her mother had said she(Thuli) would have her own bedroom, she then wondered if her mom and that man were planning to extend the house, not that it mattered to Thuli, she had no plans of staying there anyway. Thuli went back home with her new clothes and clothing voucher for Ndudu so Sanele or mam Lindi would by for Ndudu as well.
“How was Mthatha Thuli?” Mam Lindi asked
Episode 24
“It was okay” Thuli said not sounding jolly. “Did you see your father?” mam Lindi asked teasingly. “He is not my father” Thuli said forcefully. She wondered what it would be like if she knew her own father instead, would the situation feel better for her? Would knowing her own father help her cope better with the whole mom getting married situation? She assumed it would. Maybe she should call her mother and see if she still got Thami’s contacts. Yeah that is what she was going to do.
She thought of Sanele and gogo who resented Thami. “Malume knew his father, so did gogo. They did not know what it is like not to know.” Ndudu and Thuli were still staying at mam Lindi. It was no longer just the 3 of them though, One of mam Lindi’s children was doing matric while the other one had a baby. The one with a baby had finished matric and was working while the baby was living with mam Lindi. Thuli was still friends with that boy who was living at mam Lindi’s area.
The name of this boy was Bonga and he was a year younger than Thuli even though he was doing std 4 while Thuli was in std 3. The boy had moved in the area only the previous year in June and wherever he was living before he had started school when he was younger. So after he got to the area Thuli was one person who he got used to. So even though he was a boy he would go visit Thuli and Thuli would visit him and he would help her with homework and all. Like I said before they were close. He was like Vuyi and Thuli could open up to Bonga.
Even when Thuli was coming from Mthatha then she went to speak to the boy. Bonga never knew the whole story about Thuli, she just knew that Thuli did not know his father and that was what the 2 of them had in common. Thuli told the boy that at that time she wished to meet her father.
Thuli: Maybe my father would be a better parent than my mother
Bonga: You think?
Thuli: Yes
Bonga: Has he ever looked for you?
Thuli: Not that I know
Bonga: Does your father know about you Thuli?
Thuli: According to my family he does
Bonga: Thuli he has never looked for you, he has never even bought you a sweet. I do not look for my father because he is like dead to me. I do not think it is my duty to go look for him. He is the parent, he made me, he should look for me.
Thuli: But your mom is not messed up like my mother.
Bonga: My mom is married and has other children. I was living with her and my granny said I should come back because dad (his mom’s husband) used to beat me up for no reason.
The conversation between the 2 children went on like that. The 2 of them liked to engage in adult like conversations. Thuli always felt at ease and could be herself with this boy because he seemed to be as matured as she was. Having face difficulties in their lives seemed to be the reason for them to grow fast as they did. After they had the conversation Thuli thought a lot about what he said, he did make a valid point. How was she(Thuli) responsoible for finding her father. Wherever he was he did not seem to care. I mean how do you just give birth to a child and forget about her and not even feel guilty knowing that they are approaching their teens without you.
Thuli once again decided that she did not want to meet her father. Scratch that, she wanted to know her father but she wanted hi m to look for her. Ya, that was her plan. She was gong to think of ways to avail herself so her father could remember her and start looking for her.
Episode 25
“Bonga why did you say your mother works in Durban before? I never knew she was married.” Thuli said one day to Bonga. “She lives in Durban with her husband and children, yes she works in Durban. She comes visits here every now and then especially in December, but my granny said I can go visit her during school holidays” Bonga replied.
Thuli’s mom finally got married but there wasn’t any big wedding, just a small traditional gathering for the families and all was done. All of that was done during June holidays. Nomsa had already been appointed as a permanent teacher in her school, she asked Thuli to go visit the Langa’s during the June holidays. Thuli did not want to do that, she wanted her mom to come home instead, but Sanele reminded her that Nomsa was then married and could not visit her home, and she was a newly wed for that matter. Thuli then had no choice.
From what Thuli knew tat’ uLanga had 2 other children who were older than Thuli and were twins (boy and girl). The twins were in high school and did not live with their father. So Thuli went there over the holidays not expecting to find them there. But to her dismay they were there. The house was a 2 bed roomed house and what Thuli had not noticed the previous time was that there was another room at the back. She only realised during her holiday visit that the room at the back was where the boy twin slept. The second room where Thuli slept before was the girl twin’s bedroom.
Upon arriving Thuli was told that she was going to share the room with the girl twin. She just knew that things were not going to be great. This was not her home, she just felt uncomfortable the moment she laid her eyes on that girl. The girl gave her a bad look. “Luleka help Thuli settle her bags in there” the husband said to Luleka the girl twin. She obeyed her father and took Thuli’s bag to the bedroom with Thuli right behind her.
When they got to the bedroom Luleka said to Thuli “When are you leaving? Don’t answer me, you are just s kid and you know nothing. Don’t mess up my stuff. I am going to get you a sleeping sponge, you will sleep on the floor.” For some reason Thuli was okay with that arrangement. The last thing she wanted to do was to inconvenience people in their home. After all she had her home that she went to every weekend and she had her own bed there. She just could not wait to leave.
When they were done with Thuli’s bags and Luleka went and look for a sponge for Thuli. Then she was off to see her friends. “Why don’t you go with Thuli, I am sure she need some air” Langa said to Luleka. “No I can’t, me and my friend can’t have a kid around us” she said as she stormed out. Mluleki the boy twin came in and found his family all sitting down in the sitting room, including Thuli, he then asked if he could go with Thuli to the shop “I am sure you would like some air” he said. Nomsa did not look comfortable but Langa encouraged that. Mluleki seemed friendly so Thuli was happy to go with him. She just wanted to be away from that house. It was so ntense and she could sense that she was the course of the tension.
When time to sleep came Thuli could not get herself off the couch, even after everyone else had left the sitting room. “What time are you going to sleep?” Nomsa asked her. “I am still watching this movie sisi” In actual fact Thuli just did not want to go to sleep. She wished to doze off on the couch so she would not have to be in the same room with Luleka. Eventually she dragged herself to bed and her sponge was already made so she got in bed and dozed off.
Anyway after 3 days Thuli asked her mother if she could go back. “Tell me first why are you not calling tat’ uLanga ‘tata (father)’?” Nomsa asked Thuli . “Sisi I call you sisi, can I call you mama before thinking about calling another man tata?” Thuli said cheeky.
Nomsa: Okay, you can call me mama. So now will you call tat’ uLanga tata?
Thuli: I don’t know, I don’t think so. I have never called any man tata in my life. It would be really hard.
Nomsa: But you will have to learn Thuli, next year when you live with us…
Thuli: Next year when I what? Noo! No No No sisi no. I am not going to come and live with you. Not happening.
Nomsa: But Langa does not have a problem with it. He suggested it.
Thuli: Sisi hayi. I want to go home now. Please let me just go home now. (tears were filling her eyes).
Thuli was not prepared to call that man father and she was 100% sure she did not want to live there. I mean it was one thing to be treated like a visitor by Luleka who reminded her every chance she got that she was just a girl from ezilalini (rural villages) and she (Thuli) was just an idiot. Having that on daily basis would be a nightmare. She was happy at her own home, with Ndudu and Sanele. It was so much better even at mam Lindi’s house, even though mam Lindi would leave her with the baby sometimes in the afternoons.
“Don’t cry Thuli. I am doing everything in my power for your comfort. I want what is best for you, to assure that you must be next to me.” Nomsa said pleadingly. “I just want to go home” Thuli said in a crying voice. “I don’t like it here, it is not my home and I want to go to my own home with my own family. These people are your family. Please let me go home today.” Thuli continued still crying. Nomsa knew that she could not argue with Thuli at that stage. So she agreed that she was going to go home on that same day.
Mluleki and Nomsa were the only people to accompany Thuli to the taxi rank. Tat’ uLanga was working and Luleka was watching tv.
Episode 26
When Thuli was boarding the taxi Mluleki said she should visit again. Nomsa told her to go well and to send greetings. Thuli wanted to ask her mother when she(Nomsa) would visit home but she did not ask. She just wanted to be out of Mthatha as soon as possible. When she in the taxi she was relived that at last she was going home to see people who loved her and whom she was comfortable with. She still could not believe how Luleka treated her. Luleka was 16 years old while Thuli was only 12. It was not Thuli’s fault that her mom got married to Luleka’s father and it was not like Thuli got there and started claiming to own the place. She did not even call her mom’s husband dad. Why would Luleka be so rude to her? But it was her (Luleka) home. Thuli decided that the further she stayed away from that Luleka character the better her life would be.
Thuli got home and unlike the previous time she had a lot to tell about her trip to Mthatha. The people she saw, the Langa family. She did not mention that Luleka was horrible to her. Thuli had decided within herself to accept the fact that her mother was gone and married to another man. She decided to live with that and just find a way forward. Her mother seemed happy with those people. Luleka might have been rude to Thuli but she(Luleka) was nice to Nomsa. So Thuli could not take that away from her mother, even if it meant for her (Thuli) sacrificing her own happiness. At the end of the day there wasn’t anything she could do to change anything, and beside her mother hated to be around her family the Mjilos.
Everyone was stunned at how Thuli went on about her mother’s house. Mam Lindi asked Thuli if she thought of going to live with her mom in Mthatha. Thuli said no, she was okay at her home, she had no wish whatsoever to introduce a father figure in her life, especially if it was not her own.
Thuli then thought of finding her father. She realised how empty and hallow her life was. She scratched the idea that her father must find her, now she was going to find him herself. She needed answers from the guy. Why did he leave her mother, why did he never contact her(Thuli)? Why was he that cruel? After being with the Langas and seeing the happy family that her mother was playing she knew that she was on her own. Not entirely on her own because she had Sanele and Ndudu, but at the end of the day they were Mjilos and Thuli was just a lost sheep; she could feel herself losing her sense of belonging. That was why she felt very strongly about finding her father. Maybe that would bring her to some sort of a conclusion and she would be able to know where to stand.
Time flew and Thuli still hadn’t asked her mother about Thami because she felt embarrassed about how she had answered her mother the previous time. She could not go to Mt Allyf at that time because she had no money and she was just a kid. Besides where would she begin looking with the little info that she had.
One day some time after the Septemer holidays and she had not seen her mother she called her mother.
Thuli: Sisi it’s me, Thuli
Nomsa: hello Nontombi, I thought you wanted to call me mama. How are you (teasingly)
Thuli: Hahahaha hayi sisi (blushing) I am okay and how are you?
Nomsa: I am good.
Thuli: I wanted to know if I can still get anything about Thami, Thamsanqa Ntuli.
Nomsa: (a long pause) Thuli… Yhoo nontombi. I am not sure if I still have the number. But wait, it is a long story and before you can move on with anything I need to speak to you and tell you everything. But I can’t talk because you are at the public phones. We should meet and I will tell you everything.
Thuli: Okay sisi.
Nomsa: Ask your uncle to give you money to go to Kokstad over the weekend, we are going to a memorial service in that area this coming weekend. We can meet there and I will tell you.
Thuli: Okay sisi.
Thuli went home unsatisfied but excited at the same time; she wondered what exactly her mother was going to tell her, she could not wait for the weekend.
When she got home she asked mam Lindi if she could call Sanele. Mam Lindi had no problem with that and Thuli asked Sanele if he could call Nomsa. Thuli wanted Nomsa to tell Sanele herself abiout the over the weekend plans. Sanele said he was going to do that. Only after the call did Thuli realise that flop that she had done. Sanele hated Thami’s guts and he would not want Thuli to look for the guy. But the damage was already done; there was nothing she could do then.
In the evening malume called back on mam Lindi’s phone and asked to speak to Thuli.
Episode 27
“Mshana you want your dad?” malume said over the phone. “No malume, not that I want him. I just want some answers, that’s all.”
Malume: But why? Is there something that we do not give you? Do you think he will have anything to offer you? Mshana what is it exactly that you want? I can get it for you.
Thuli: I don’t want anything from him malume. I just want to know what happened. Please malume.
Thuli was already feeling like she was letting malume down. But what else was she to do. She wanted to know her father. “Mtshanam, I don’t understand why you want to do this, my mom always said you got a mind of your own and she predicted that things will get to this point. I can’t stop you. But can I make a proposal?” Sanele said over the phone. Thuli felt some warmth when she heard what Sanele was saying about gogo. She took it as a compliment. “Yes malume, you can make the proposal.” She said. “Okay mtshana, maybe you should look for your father, but can you wait till you are a bit older? Maybe when you are 15, but it is entirely up to you mshana.” Malume said.
“Ah malume” Thuli said sounding disappointed. “Anyway mtshana I will come back on Friday and give you the money, maybe seeing your mom will do you good”.
That Saturday indeed Thuli went on her way to Kokstad to see her mother. Let me mention that at that age Thuli was able to go to town by herself and even by groceries, so going to Kokstad and coming back on the same day was no big deal. Mam Lindi and Sanele were both comfortable with her, or at least that was the impression they gave.
Her mom had to leave the memorial service before it was finished and they met in Kostad CBD, they went to KFC and sat in a corner there. “So Thuli you want to know about your father?” “ewe” Thuli responded already assuming an attentive position. “I just need to know where I can find him”.
“Ei Thuli, you want to meet him? If that happens you will have to tell me or your uncle, we can’t let you meet that guy by yourself. I don’t know what he is capable of.” “Okay sisi, can you tell me what I need to know then?” Thuli said starting to be impatient.
“Okay Thuli, first of all let me tell you that you need not put your hopes up for anything, Thami is unpredictable, secondly you are not really his only child, he has lots of children. There was this girl from Mvubukazi who would like to quarrel with me because of Thami, I hear she got pregnant too. She lives around mam Lindi’s area, I forgot her name though.” Nomsa narrated. Thuli just wanted info on how to contact her father, she did not want sob stories of who did what when who was pregnant with who. That was all in the past and she just wanted to move forward. “So sisi, do you have Thami’s number?”
“No I don’t. Do you remember the time I asked you about him?” Thuli nodded. “I had met him and he told me he was working at a furniture shop in Mt Allyf as a sales manager, I met him here in Kostad. He did not have a cell phone but he gave me his work number. But I don’t have that number anymore. I am not even sure he still works there, it was a few years ago”. Nomsa said. Thuli thought “mmm, now what’. “Okay sisi, so that means I can’t get hold of him?” She asked. “I do have another number that belongs to his cousin, but I called it earlier this week before you got here and it does not seem to work anymore.”
“ I do not have contacts with any of his family. I have seen a girl who was his neighbour and she is living in Mthatha; she told me that Thami rarely goes back home anymore and last time she checked he had moved to Cape Town, however I am not sure how true is that. That is all I know. That lady could be lying, but if I ever go to mt Allyf I will check out that furniture shop he used to work in, maybe they might know how to find him.”
“Yhooo sisi, this is hard” Thuli said as she was starting to think she bit more that she could chew. If her mom had so little information then what was she to do? She really could not do much and she could not ask her mother to look for that Thami guy, she had realised that whenever Nomsa spoke about Thami there was some sort of hurt in her (Nomsa) eyes. So she would not let her mom go through that; she was going to do this her own way. However she realised that she could not make big decisions at that stage, she was very young. So she decided to wait till she was older, just like malume had suggested.
Episode 28
Thuli went back home and she was not happy at all. But at least there was some light and a way forward. Now her new plan was to wait till she was 15, then she would do something from there. She even thought of doing her high school in Mt Allyf when she was 16, that way her chances would increase since Thami was from Mt Allyf. She got home and her malume asked how it went and she just said fine.
“Mtshana you really don’t need to bother yourself with that guy, seriously.” Malume said to Thuli. Thuli just kept quite, she did not want to talk about it. She just told herself she was going to focus on her studies and forget about this whole father thing until the right time. Life had been going on without him, it should continue.
So months went by and by December that year malume decided to take a wife. The lady he took was a nurse and lucky for her she managed to be transferred to the local clinic that was in that area so she would be able to live with them. The lady seemed friendly and Thuli had known her for some time and well they were in good terms. Another thing was Thuli and the rest of the family knew that having that lady there was going to help the family get together once again. Thuli and Ndudu would not have to live with mam Lindi anymore and could stay at their home in the care of malumekazi (Sanele’s wife).
Even this time around no big ceremonies were made, just a family gatherings to do the traditional ceremonies and that was it. By February 2003 malumekazi aka Nomzi (name given to her by the Mjilos) moved in and the children were very excited to be able to finally move back home full time. Nomzi cooked for them and did washing then after some time her and Sanele decided to hire a helper because she worked till 5pm and on Saturdays. The helper was an old woman from the area and she came in the mornings and left in the afternoons when Nomzi came back. Everything was great.
Nomzi tried her best to turn gogo’s home back into a family home that was warm and comfortable. But as time went by Thuli started to feel uncomfortable around Nomzi, this is why. “I can’t believe your mom just chose to get married, how can she leave you here and her own home falling apart?” Thuli would not respond to this kind of comment but she could feel hurt. She did not like what her mom did but she had learned to accept it. Now this Nomzi lady would bring it up. It does not mater how terrible your mother is, but you get hurt when people say terrible stuff about her, especially people who are not even family. But Nomzi was family, but even though she did not know the whole story and she had no right. However Thuli always let it go and let life move forward. Whatever was happening was better than having to live with relatives. She was just happy they were living at home.
These kind of comments never ended anyway. Nomzi would sometimes remind Thuli that she was not a Mjilo, even though she would not be saying these things in a nasty way, eg she would say “Do you think you will ever change your surname? Or things like that.
Thuli and Nomzi did have their lovely moments and during one of those moments Thuli was telling her malumekazi about her (Thuli) trying to find her father and that she had decided to wait till she was older. “You should find him now, maybe he can help us with the monies to raise you up. What kind of a father just leaves her child without anything? Etc etc, etc”. Nomzi said. “But malumekazi I do not want any of his money” Thuli said. “What do you mean you do not want any of his money? You should sue him for maintenance, he made you, he should take care of you” Nomzi said. Thuli regretted bringing up the topic. She could not believe how unthoughtful her malumekazi was. She decided never to speak about it again.
After those comments Thuli felt like she really did not belong. What kept her steady was the fact that her mother did send money every month, at least Nomsa was taking care of her, so at least money wise she did not owe Nomzi anything. During Easter holidays Thuli did not go visit her mother because she had become a serious church goer, so she used her holiday money to go to an Easter conference. In June though she did go and visit her mother. The last time she had seen her mother was during the time when Nomzi was joining the family, in February.
She got to her mother in June, luckily the twins were not there and were at their mother’s place. Thuli got a moment alone with her mother and without thinking she blurted out how malumekazi made her uncomfortable. She did not mean to tell that to her mother but she could not help it. Thuli was a loud mouth and she could talk about anything with anyone. Another thing was that she had not been realising how uncomfortable her malumekazi made her feel until she (Thuli) was talking to her mother and Nomsa was asking how things were back at home.
Let me mention that Thuli did not say in straight words that her malumekazi made her uncomfortable as she really did not see the situation like that. All she did was to mention a certain incident that had happened and then Nomsa went craze “How could she do that? She just went there as a wife, why is she trying to ruin you? Who the hell does she think she is” After her mom said those words Thuli regretted telling her mom about the incident but at the same time she realised how unhappy her malumekazi made her feel sometimes. “So after all of that you still choose to live with her instead of your own mother?” Nomsa said at the end of her runting. Thuli looked at her mother.
Episode 29
“Haibo sisi,” Thuli said while looking at her mother. She did not understand how her mother was thinking. “I am not choosing her, I choose to live at home. She takes good care of us” Thuli. “you talk too much Thuli, why do you always talk back to me? What do you know about treating good?” Nomsa said to Thuli. Thuli got scared and said nothing. Now she was wondering what she had to do. She did not know how to feel.
Her mother got married and that made her unhappy but she accepted it. She did not want to live with her mother though and was not willing to sacrifice that once again for her mother’s happiness. She(Thuli) might not have understood how she(Thuli) was feeling but I(sis B) know how she was feeling. She did not feel like sacrificing everything that could make her happy for the sake of her mother. Whether her mother got it or not, she did not care. Her mother had to let her have at least the family. Nomsa could not just want everything for herself. But that was not how she(Thuli) thought, that was just me Sis B playing Dr Phil on how Thuli felt.
“I’m talking to you, Thuli” Nomsa said. Thuli still kept quite, if she said anything she felt like she was going to get shouted at. So it was best if she kept her mouth shut. According to her(Thuli), her mom had not changed and still hated everybody, seemingly Nomzi had been added to the list, oh well then. After Thuli did not say anything Nomsa was calm but did not stop talking under her breath about how naïve Thuli was, she said stuff like Thuli thought she knew too much while she knew nothing because she was just a kid. “How am I wrong to want to take care of you? Don’t I deserver to live with my own child?” Nomsa said out loud. She sounded angry Thuli thought. She however did not answer her. She went to Luleka’s room and read some of Luleka’s school novels that were there.
She stayed in the bedroom until tat’uLanga got back from work and asked about her (Thuli). Her mom told the man that Thuli was in the bedroom. Thuli somehow overheard the conversation and thought she should go and greet the man. “molweni (hello)” she said politely while standing. “molo Thuli, you should not lock yourself in the bedroom, or do you want a complexion?” Langa said jokingly. Thuli just looked down and laughed. She could not believe how friendly this guy was. Thuli on the other side always pretended to be jolly around him. She kept hoping he would make a silly mistake so she could have a reason not to like him. But that did not seem like it was ever going to happen. Langa was a good man and that was it… oh well…
The June holidays ended and Thuli went back home. Nothing had changed, her family welcomed her with warm hands, including her malumekazi. Life continued as usual. The year went past. Thuli kept visiting her mother over the holidays, some holidays the twins would be there, sometimes they would not. Malumekazi kept saying the stuff she was saying. Nomsa on the other hand as the years went by she stopped trying to convince Thuli to move with them. Thuli on her side could not wait to start high school so she could get away from all the drama.
Thuli became 16 and was to go to high school. Her family was okay with her decision to go study at Senyukele SSS which was in mt Allyf. She obviously had to live there because well it was another town. At that time malumekazi’s first born was 2 years old and was a girl too.
Thuli was admitted to the school and she packed her things and left for Mt Allyf. Her mom was the one who was to send her money every month. Nomsa was the one who was going to be responsible for Thuli’s education. Thuli was happy with this arrangement. After all Nomsa was her mother and Sanele could be responsible for Nduduzo. That would even out the situation.
still remember Bonga? He was also in high school but doing std 9. He was doing his high school in another school there in Mt Allyf. They were still friends with Thuli and they had plans to always go together to town, preferable Kokstad when they had money. Things were good. Oh Vuyi went to a high school that was in Mzimkhulu town, I forgot its name, lol. But she was still friends with Thuli and they promised to always meet for good time during every holiday.