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Episode 12
The women sung and when they were done they all started praying. Nomsa and Thuli were just astonished. When everybody was praying they just closed their eyes. Thuli could sense that her gogo was gone; she remembered when Ndudu was saying gogo said she was not going to be alright, gogo might have meant it. However she waited until she could hear everything from these women who all looked sad.
One of the women who was also very close to the family stood up. She was actually married to Nomsa’s father brother (utatomncinci ka Nomsa *uncle*), she was called mam’ Lindi. She was family as well. She stood up and told the sad news that gogo did not make it. When they got to hospital that morning it was already bad for gogo and she just did not make it. Thuli sat there on the bench that was in that hut, she just looked at the woman blankly without any emotion. She could not cry or anything, her gogo was gone, she was not coming back, ever. She often had seen people around the area screaming like crazy after being told that their loved one was dead, but she could not cry at all. She just stared into space.
Nomsa on the other hand was screaming and the women were trying to comfort her to no avail. Thuli did not move however, she just kept sitting there. These women started to get busy and preparing one of the huts for moaning. Vuyi’s mom saw Thuli who was still on that bench as if she had fainted even though she was sitting on the chair. “Thuli are you okay?” Thuli just looked at the woman and tears filled her eyes. She was a child and she could not help but start crying as well even though she wished she could not cry. But tears were streaming down her face.
Vuyi’s mom held her so she was crying on her (Vuyi’s mom) chest. Thuli did not cry for a long time and she just asked Vuyi’s mom if she could go to sleep. That was not a problem. Thuli woke up the following morning. At waking up she realised that what happed the previous night was not a dream, gogo was gone. She woke up and saw that it was busy in the yard, everyone was going up and down and furniture being moved and so on. She saw Mam Lindy (umamncane, the lady whom I said was a relative and close friend; just she was not living in the same neighbourhood).
“Thuli your mom is still busy if you are looking for her, go in the kitchen I am going to make you something to eat” mam Lindi said. Thuli went to the kitchen and sat on the bench. Ndudu woke up as well and he also just went to the kitchen. The little boy seemed surprised by all the people that were moving around his home. He went and sat next to Thuli “Thuli ugogo never came back na?” he asked. Thuli did not know how to answer that or if she should answer at all. “Thuli ugogo uswelekile?(did gog die?)” the boy asked. Thuli still did not answer, what was she to say?
She was a kid and even though at times she felt like she was acting like someone much older than herself, people who were there did not know that, they just took her as a kid, so she said “Buza kumam Lindi”. Ndudu did not ask anything else, they just sat there quietly waiting for their food.
Sanele also came back a a day after that and was told about his mother, he was deeply hurt and he went to his room and just locked himself in there. Nomsa on the other hand was helping around a lot, they had to contact the funeral covers that gogo had and Nomsa was on top of all of that with the help of mam Lindi. This one time when Nomsa and mam Linid were going to go to town for the first time to sort out the insurance Thuli overheard them and she ran to the drawer with the documents and took out that envelope that gogo had showed her and she gave it to her mom “ugogo said if anything happened to her I should give you this envelope”. “Yhoo clever girl Thuli, we have been looking for this” mam Lindi said praising her. Thuli was just happy to help. She wished she could do more; she felt old and responsible and matured. But everyone just saw a kid in her…
Gogo was buried peacefully and after the funeral everyone left, only the close relatives were left. Nomsa was the oldest in the family now at 26 years. Sanele was 22 and had just finished his second year, he was now the man of the family. One of their uncles reminded them that. That uncle told them that Nomsa and Sanele would now have to take full responsibility of the 2 children that gogo left behind.
Everyone in the family agreed that Nomsa and Sanele should finish their school, but the 8/9 year old Thuli (she was going to turn 9 the following year) and 5/6 year old Nduduzo could not be left alone. So the family decided that during the course of the year Thuli and Ndudu will live with mam Lindi as she was around the same village just no the same neighbourhood. Then over the holidays when Nomsa and Sanele are back from school they can take their children to their home. The school fees for the two siblings (Nomsa and Sanele) was covered because gogo had life insurances and so on
This was a hard decision for everyone. Thuli wished with all her heart that she was older so she and her little cousin brother would not have to be a burden to anyone, but there was nothing she could do. After all she was just a child.
Episode 12
The Christmas was a bit odd for Thuli and her little family. Mam Lindi invited them to her house so they could spend Christmas there but Nomsa and Sanele said it was best they spent Christmas at their home. Luckily gogo had joined the grocery society so they had enough food for Christmas.
Year 1999 began, Ndudu was starting sub a (grade 1) and Thuli was doing her grade 3 and they were living at mam Lindi’s house. Mam Lindi’s children were in high school so there were no other kids in her home beside Ndudu and Thuli. They had always had good relationship with mam Lindi since she would come to visit them every once in a while when gogo was still alive. However Thuli’s school performance dropped a lot, she became an average pupil from being number 1.
Mam Lindi was nothing like gogo, she was nice and sweet but she did not value education as much a gogo did. Thuli had brought books from her home so she could read and Mam Lindi told her that was a waste of time and was going to turn her into an inactive snob, she told Thui that she must spend time either playing or learning house chores, not reading. She also never really helped them with their homework, not that she could help it, she was not educated like gogo.
What mam Lindi made sure she did though was to teach Lindi and Ndudu house chores, not abuse them but Thuli was made to do the simple things around the house, both Thuli and Ndudu were required to make their own beds and Thuli was supposed to wash her underwear. She could also sweep the kitchen floor and Ndudu and Thuli were both required to collect dirty papers around the yard every Saturday. They also all went to church every Sunday.
Thuli’s class teacher was however worried about Thuli because she had heard so much about her from the previous teachers and was looking forward to have her in the class, but she could see that the child was just not living up to the standard that was set for her. Miss was really disappointed but understood that losing her gogo might have caused the destruction. It was not like she was then a terrible student; she had just dropped to average.
On the other hand Thuli had a lot to worry about. Now her brother was doing grade 1 and that was in the same school as she, gogo was not there for them. Mam Lindi would give Thuli their money for lunch and Thuli was responsible for giving her brother during lunch, also she always had to carry extra pencil because Ndudu lost his pencils everyday and would everyday come to Thuli’s class to get a pencil. Mam Lindi was never impressed with this so Thuli took responsibility and cut their pencils in 3 pieces so they would have more pencils and not get into so much trouble with Mam Lindi.
The year went by and it was Easters, both Nomsa and Sanele came back for the holidays and they took the children home. They were happy with the state they found the kids in, mam Lindi had indeed been good to the children. Thuli was happy to see her uncle and mother, they all went to their home and they cleaned the dust that was covering the furniture and. Nomsa was surprised at how Ndudu and Thuli knew the house work and she started to think that mama Lindi might be abusing the children.
“I always knew that mam Lindi would abuse these children, I wonder if they are eating properly, Sanele you need to talk to her, she must not abuse these children. These kids have been through so much, they can not have mam Lindi treating them like servants, how dare she? She has always been living alone and now she wants these children to clean for her!! She is so cruel!” Nomsa said to Sanele. “Hayibo sisi, these children were living with gogo and you know she never make them do much. Mayne mam Lindi has been teaching them a few things, that is not so bad.” Sanele said to his sister.
“No, you do not know that. I am going there right now if you won’t go” Nomsa said already heading for the door. “No sisi, you can’t” Sanele said but it was too late. Nomsa was rushing there.
Episode 13
Nomsa stormed to Mam’ Lindi’s house and Sanele went after her hoping that he will be able to calm at least on of them down. After all Sanele knew that mam Lindi herself had a boiling head, just like Nomsa, so if no one did anything about what was going to happen then there was going to be serious damage. “Molweni (Hallo)” Nomsa said to mam Lindi calmly when she got there, she was still thinking of how she was going to start up this whole thing. “Hi Nomsa, did you guys find everything in place? I and kids checked your home every now and then just to see if everything is in order.” Mam Lindi said in a friendly tone.
“Yes everything is okay. On the other hand I realise that the children especially Thuli seem to know a lot of housework compared to kids their own age, hehehe, so I am wondering where they are learning it from” As Nomsa started talking she started to realise how what she wanted to say did not make any sort of sense. Thuli was 9 years old, she was old enough to do some chores around the house. Nomsa just wondered how much chores Thuli and Ndudu got to do.
“Yes, Thuli is a very smart child and very active around the house. I show her something once and she does it correct. She was even asking me if I can teach her to cook. I told her she is still young, hahaha, so she always opts for doing her play bread with left over dough whenever I bake bread.” Mam Lindi said sounding impressed with herself, she really was glowing in her eyes when she was talking. Everyone knew that she loved kids and she was always complaining about her own kids that they were trouble some since they were then teenagers. She just loved small children.
“I see.” Nomsa could feel herself getting calm, but she still felt like she needed to know what exactly the children did. Sanele walked in “Molweni” he said as he was going over to the men’s side of the hut. “Sanele you are here. I am starting to worry if I have wronged the Mjilo’s by anything” mam Lindi saind jokingly. “No mam Lindi, I just came to say thanks for everything. I and my sister highly appreciate what you have done for us.” Sanele said as he realised that no one was shouting and there wasn’t any fire to put out as he was expecting.
They all had coffee and mam Lindi was updating them about the children, then Mam Lindi presented them with the 1st term school reports. “They both passed this term, they are such smart kids” mam Lindi said as she was giving them the reports. Nomsa and Sanele thanked her and they went away. They were not done cleaning but Sanele said he had to see his friends, Nomsa was okay with that and she went home alone. It was then midday and Thuli and Ndudu were already playing at their friends. After all mam Lindi’s house was not near by.
Nomsa opened the school reports for the children and saw that they both passed. She noticed that Thuli who had always been an ‘A’ pupil was now just average. “maybe Mam Lindi is abusing the kids, why else would Thuli’s marks drop so low!” She thought to herself as she started to feel really angry. She ran once again to mam Lindi’s house and this time she got there faster, she was still holding the reports. “mam Lindi, mam Lindi!! Why the hell are Thuli’s marks so low?” she said to mam Lindi who was just sitting in the kitchen on the grass mat thinking about her things. Nomsa was on her feet while saying that and she did not even greet.
“What do you mean? Thuli is a clever child and she passed. What’s wrong with you?” mam Lindi said looking up at Nomsa. “Yes she passed, but the marks are low! You are abusing these children, right mam Lindi? Why else would they fail? You have turned them into your little servants, have’t you?” Nomsa said angrily. The age gap between the 2 of them was about 14/15 years as mam Lindi was in her late 30’s or early 40’s. Mam Lindi slowly stood up as well and they were facing each other.
“Mamela apha ke nondindwa (listen here you whore), your precious Thuli doesn’t even know you as her mother as you are hardly ever home ever since she was born. My sister in law (gogo) died an early death because of stress caused by you! You were a troublesome child who I am sure most people mistook of you having a penis built in her vagina because you always had a penis pounding your vagina! Whenever gogo would get sick we were the ones who would take care of her when you were out there doing only God knows what and probably laying under some man and getting pumped as usual! You are the only one who knows if you were not selling your body!”
“I am taking care of Ndudu and Thuli out of my own pocket as you know you and your brother do not give me money and I never complain! I teach those kids responsibility and make sure they grow up to be nothing like you! What the hell do you know about raising kids? What else do you know better than taking a penis in your whorish vagina? Do not come here and tell me about abusing children while you are the one who is emotionally abusing your child!! How the hell do you think she feels whenever people call you a whore on her face when you are not here?” Mam Lindi said and she was not speaking fast, but was emphasising each and every word.
“Mam Lindi don’t you dare change this to be about me! Thuli is a clever child and was always position one, and now she is just average! That is because you abuse her” Nomsa said. “Don’t you dare! You know I am not educated as much as your gogo and you, are you here now to insult me just because I was not privileged like you? If you want to take care of your children just say so! I can’t deal with this! Get the hell out of my house!” mam Lindi said pushing her to the door! “Disrespectful, ungrateful bitch!” Mam Lindi said as Nomsa almost fell outside She went away anyway with her report.
Episode 14
Nomsa got home and did not say anything to anyone, she just took some money and went to a nearby shop to buy enough food to last the whole Easter break and she came back and started cooking for her family. Sanele came back in the afternoon and saw the school reports on the bench in the kitchen. He took them and read them “not bad at all you know, I was worried that the children might do badly since mother died. It shows that there was a strain but it is not as bad as I thought, tough kids.” Uncle said out loud and Nomsa overheard him and she chose to keep quite.
A few days went by with things going on as normal, some relatives coming to check if gogo’s children were good. To Sanele’s surprise mam’ Lindi never came to see them, but he assumed that he must be busy with her things. He (Sabelo) promised himself that he will go see mam Lindi before he leaves for school. A few days before Sanele and Nomsa were to go back to school Sanele went to mam Lindi just to check on her. He was going with Thuli and Ndudu as they also wanted to see mam Lindi. Malume was impressed by the way the kids seemed to look forward into seeing mam Lindi.
They got there and the children greeted mam Lindi who greeted them friendly then they went to play outside.
Sanele: Mam Lindi I just came to thank you so much for what you are doing for us. It really means a lot; I don’t know what we would have done if it wasn’t for you.
Mam Lindi: Mh
Sanele: I and Sis Nomsa are leaving for school once again in a few days and I was wondering if there was anything else you may need from us before we leave.
Mam Lindi: I want nothing from you. (Rather rudely)
Sanele: Awu Mam Lindi (Sanele was tongue tied as he did not understand why mam Lindi responded rudely, but he assumed that maybe it was just the tone of her voice).
Mam Lindi: Jonga apha Sanele (Look here Sanele)*rasing her voice*, you and your sister can not just come here and tell me whatever nonsense you feel like then expect me to be goody good with you. I do not owe you anything.
Sanele: What do you mean mam Lindi? Did we say something to upset you?
Mam Lindi: Don’t act dumb with me Sanele, you are probably here just to add more insults! I never complained, I stayed with the kids and did the best I could because I was thinking that you and your sister should get educated. But what did I get in return? A plate full off uth*vi (sh*t). No Sanele! *tears started feeling her eyes*
Sanele had absolutely no idea of what was happening. He could see that Mam Lindi was not alright and was upset, probably by something he or his sister did. But what could that be? He could not get it out of her at that moment because she was very upset. So he decided to go home to come back a bit later that day. Sanele took the kids and they all went home.
He found Nomsa there and he narrated the story to her “her demons are catching up with her” Nomsa said after hearing the rest of the story. “What do you mean sisi? Did you say something to mam Lindi?” Sanele asked in a respectful manner. “I just told her exactly what she is” Nomsa said in a short sentence. Thuli realized that things were getting tense and she left the room. “What exactly did you say to her?” Sanele asked raising his voice to his sister then he soon realized that he was about to shout at his sister, he could not do that as he respected his sister. But he was angry at what his sister did! Very angry, he did not even know what Nomsa said to mam Lindi but whatever it was, it was costing them a lot. And Nomsa did not even seem to care.
Thuli overheard the conversation and later that day when things seemed calm she went to malume “Are you still going to go to go to mam Lindi?” she asked him. “I don’t know mtshana”, malume said as he took a deep breath. “malume grandpa Mjilo (the uncle who was motivating Nomsa and Sanele after the funeral) said sisi (Nomsa) was not well in the head. He said now that gogo is gone sisi might drive our family apart. That will not happen malume neh?” Thuli asked, “Mtshana when did ‘tamnci(what you call your father’s brother) say that?... mmmmm…. Thanks for the idea mtshana, tell your mom I’ll be back later tonight.” Sanele said as he left.
Later that night Sanele came back and did not say much to his sister, just told her they need to go to their uncle’s house for a family meeting the following day. Thuli saw malume and sisi going to the meeting and she wondered if they would still have a place to live. Once again she wished that her mother was not Nomsa, she even had this thing where she wished that gogo was still alive but Nomsa died in her place. But there was nothing she could do.
At the family meeting there was their uncle, Sanele, Nomsa, mam Lindi and other people of the family.
“My son here, Sanele wanted to apologise on the behalf of his family after his sister had said some unpleasant things to their mother here, mam Lindi. He wanted me to make it very clear that his sister did not consult him before going to mam Lindi and therefore he could not take control of the situation as the man of the family. He is very sorry for his neglect and he wanted me to ask Nokulinda(mam Lindi) once again if she can reconsider her decision about the children”. The uncle said. Everyone looked at mam Lindi
Mam Lindi said “I love staying with the kids but I can not stand Nomsa accusing me of things I did not do! She is a kid and has never raised a child! She can not control me, she must focus on her studying and I will raise the kids.” Everyone looked at Nomsa, she just stared blankly into space and said nothing. “Ntombam (my daughter)” the uncle said to Nomsa, “Why did you say those things to mam Lindi?” the uncle asked Nomsa. Nomsa did not respond at all, she just looked down and played with her fingers.
“We need a way forward” the uncle said after some time with Noms still not responding.
Episode 15
“If mam Lindi does not mind living with the kids again I would like her to do it. I will make sure that my sister does not interfere” Sanele said. “Yes and you can do the practicals here in June so you can live at home and the kids can live with you” Nomsa blurted out to everybody’s surprise because she had been quite when she was being spoken to. “What the hell is your problem Nomsa?” mam Lindi said to Nomsa completely forgetting her position as the wife in the family. Nomsa answered her in a cheeky tone “I never said I had a problem, just saying my brother can live with the kids from June and relieve you from all the worries and the burden we have been to you!” The uncle had to jump in because everyone in the family knew that both Nomsa and Mam Lindi could set that room on fire.
“Calm down ntombam (my daughter)” the uncle said to Nomsa, “let us not make any hasty decisions now. There is no need to attack each other with shapr wordsm we are all family here. Nokulinda has agreed to take the kids and we should all be grateful for that. We will discuss other things in the next meeting. Unyana (Sanele) will organise another meeting when there is another issue to discuss. We are all here as a family and we support each other. Anything that you need my children you should speak to your fathers or mothers.” The uncle said as conclusion
The meeting was over and everyone went to their homes. Thuli and Ndudu were told the news that they were going to live with mam Lindi and they got happy. They liked staying with mam Lindi. Besides the fact that she did not allow Thuli to read her story books she was a great guardian. She gave them sweets and she was a great cook. She did spank them once in a while, especially Ndudu because he was so full of mischief but she had never beat them to an extent that you would call it abuse.
Life continued, Nomsa wrote a letter to Sanele and her uncle saying she got a piece job for holidays and will not be coming back during June holidays, she was only going to be back in December. Mam Lindi saw that Sanele would not be able to live with the kids by himself during June holidays, so she agreed that he can come see them at her house anytime. The kids could go visit malume at their home if they wanted to. That was a fine arrangement.
Thuli did not miss her mother so much and was rather relieved that Nomsa was not coming back. With Nomsa being absent it meant less chaos and less drama in the family. Thuli could not think of a time when her mother was home and everyone was happy till she(Nomsa) left, except for that year when she claimed to have found Jesus and gogo was still alive.
When June holidays were over Sanele had to do his teaching practicals for 6 months since it was his last year. He had arranged to do the practicals at the local school and therefore would be home for 6 months. The children were really happy to hear that, but they were gonna be living with mam Lindi.
The year went past quickly and as Thuli and Ndudu seemed to be happier then because they could see their uncle and when they slept over at home with uncle he would read them stories just like gogo used to. He would ask Thuli to read as well and he noticed that her reading had not improved and he wondered. Thuli explained to her uncle that mam Lindi discouraged reading because she said it was going to turn her into a lazy snob. Malume told her that she must read whenever she got a chance. Malume explained to Thuli that reading makes you wiser and smarter. “You must speak to mam Lindi Malume, I am sure she would understand” Thuli pleaded with her malume.
December came finally and Nomsa did not come back at all. She wrote another letter to Sanele that she was gonna be back for Christmas and that she was going to buy the children Christmas clothes, Sanele should not worry about those.
Episode 16
When gogo was still alive she would buy Christmas clothes somewhere around November. That year however there weren’t any clothes and Thuli wondered if they were going to get any. She was not worried about herself, she just thought of Ndudu who might not understand this whole situation of not having a bread winner. Thuli was aware that they were currently living on money that was provided to them by the policies and insurances that gogo had joined while still alive. Most of that money however was helping Nomsa and Sanele finish their studies. Thuli had no idea how much money there were, she just faced the reality that she would never know and it was out of her hands.
“Malume uzobuya nini kanti usisi? (when is sisi coming back?)” Thuli asked her uncle one day around the 20th December. Sanele really did not know what to say. Even though Nomsa would cause chaos and drama when she was around it was always lovely to have her arrive around Christmas. She would bring them nice things and some fancy sweeties and they would be able to brag to their friends about all of that. It was always wonderful to have someone arrive at your home from the city in December . Thuli and Ndudu were looking forward to seeing Nomsa come back as well. “Uzabuya ngokhisimsi mshana (she will come back around Christmas)” malume responded.
The children were very excited to hear those news and they waited. Thuli imagined that her mother would be the one to bring them Christmas clothes since there wasn’t any movement from malume. The date was then the 22nd that afternoon mam Lindi came to gogo’s house to talk to malume. They spoke for sometime and Thuli did not hear what they were talking about but she realised that they were talking about her mother and Christmas clothes.
When mam Lindi and malume were done talking mam Lindi then requested Thuli to go fetch Ndudu from wherever he was playing so the three of them could go to mam Lindi’s house. Indeed they all went away. The following day mam Lindi woke them up in the morning and prepared them “Siyaphi mam Lindi (where are we going)?” Thuli asked. “We going to town to buy you and your brother Christmas clothes” mam Lindi responded. “So sisi will not come back with the clothes mam Lindi?” Thuli asked again and mam Lindi told her to stop asking a lot of questions.
What had happened was Sanele and mam Lindi realised that it was getting late and Nomsa was not coming back. Sanele took some of the money and gave it to mam Lindi so she could go buy the clothes for the children. She wanted to go with them because she loved children and she did not really know their sizes, so she wanted to make sure she got the right sizes. Nomsa hadn’t said anything about not coming back. The last letter they got was that one when she said she was going to be home for Christmas.
Thuli thought that it was possible that her mother was not coming back but she wished she could come back anyway. But she forgot about that and got excited about going to town. It was the 23rd, 2 days before Christmas so it was very crowded in town, but mam Lindi managed to get some clothes. At some point she had to leave the 2 kids at the taxi rank with one of the hawkers she knew because it was difficult moving around with the kids. Eventually they went back home. Thuli made sure they ate ice cream when they were in town, she was always excited at the site of ice cream, both she and Ndudu loved it even though Ndudu never finished his… good times!
Christmas day came and the children were over at mam Lindi’s. Thuli asked mam Lindi if she could go to her home. Thuli was expecting to see her mother, she was hoping that maybe she came back the previous night just so she could spend Christmas with them, but to her disappointment she found only malume.
Malume was preparing to go to mam Lindi’s house as well as there was a family gathering there. All the Mjilos were there, it was so much fun. Thuli and Ndudu went away to their friends in the streets to spend the Christmas like every other year. They were wearing their new clothes like all the other children. The group of children went around from house to house eating Christmas sweeties. It was then in the afternoon when one of the children said “Usisakho Thuli (Thuli there is your sister)”. Thuli looked on that direction. There was Nomsa indeed, she was on the path that was coming from her home and she was probably going over to mam Lindi’s house.
Thuli saw her mother and did not get excited at all. She did not even have interest to go meet her. She then suggested to her friends that they play something else. “You are not going to see your mom?” one of her closer friends asked. “No, I will see her when I get home” she replied. “But what if she has some nice stuff? Ndudu will finish them all.” The friend said. “No he will not” Thuli brushed her friend off like that and they continued playing.
Thuli got back to mam Lindi’s house and saw that both her mom and uncle had already left, however it was far for her to walk alone at that time of the day, so she spent the night at mam Lindi’s house. The following day she ran home. She found Nomsa and Ndudu playing with new toys that Nomsa came with. She felt a lump in her throat as shethought that maybe Ndudu played with her toys since she was no there.
“Thuli why didn’t you greet me yesterday when I went past you and your friends?” Nomsa asked her in not so friendly tone. Thuli just looked down and put her index finger in her mouth and played with her foot. “Answer me when I am talking to you” Nomsa said in a scary voice, Thuli jumped in freight but remained in the same position, her finger still in her mouth. “Thuli why did you not greet me?” the question came again “You were supposed to come back the day before yesterday” Thuli said quietly in a breaking voice, “What was that? Speak up so I can hear you” Nomsa shouted still. Thuli got a freight again and she answered shouting but she did not mean to shout “You did not buy us Christmas clothes! Mam Lindi did” she said and she realised that she just shouted at her mother, she was more frightened now.
“So is it mam Lindi who teaches you to talk back to adults?” Nomsa said and Thuli hated what her mom just said. She was sick of her mom always saying bad things about mam Lindi so she talked back “No I was answering you” she said softly. “Yhoo!” Nomsa said sounding defeated. “just get out of my sight”. Thuli went away to another room where there were a pile of books and she read.
Episode 17
Thuli just buried herself in her books and wished that her uncle would come back. Ndudu got in that room and told Thuli that her mom was calling her. Thuli went to her mother. “come sit next me” Nomsa said to Thuli, Thuli went and sat next to her mother then Nomsa gave her the new toys that she(Nomsa) got for her. Thuli took the toys and went away to play on her own. Nomsa looked at her and said nothing.
During mid day Thuli just wanted to get away from her mother, everything Nomsa said ticked her and she wished she should just go back to Mthatha and leave the in peace. So Thuli decided to go to mam Lindi until her mother was gone. She told Nomsa that she was going to mam Lindi and was gonna be there for days. Nomsa said okay and so Thuli went away leaving Ndudu and her mother at their home.
Thui stayed at mam Lindi for a few days then her mother came to mam Lindi and asked Thuli to come home as she (Nomsa) was going to go back to Mthatha. Mam Lindi was surprised that Nomsa was leaving before schools reopen and Nomsa explained that she was needed at work. Thuli went with her mom back to their home and her mom told her that she just wantedto spend some time with her before leaving. She (Nomsa ) also told her daughter to take good care of herself.
Nomsa left after that. It was sad for Thuli to watch her mother leave. She did not know if she wanted her mom to stay or she was sad because she wished so much that her mother could have a different way of thinking instead of always getting everybody in trouble and making everybody’s lives so miserable. Thuli often wondered why that Nomsa lady had to be her mom.
She went back home from the bus stop where her and Ndudu were accompanying Nomsa to get a bus to town. Malume showed her new clothes thy were going to wear on the new years day. They clothes were really beautiful. “malume is it true that Jesus is coming back on the new years day because it is the millennium?’ Thuli asked. Malume just laughed at her, he also did not know really but he did not think that was true.
The new year began and it was time to go back to school. Malume got a job in a nearby area at a primary school but was going to live there and come home only on weekends, so the kids were going to continue living at mam Lindi. Sanele bought the children new school clothes for the New Year. Thuli now felt like a really old kid, she was doing std 2 (grade 4) and was now required to carry all of her books and some text books. She was using a pen to write and she just like a really older sister.
She was still friends with Vuyi even though they only saw each other at school and only on weekends since Thuli no longer lived at gogo’s. Both the girls were then going to be 10 years that year. They were even receiving some messed up letters from boys asking them to be their girlfriends and they would sit together and sometime with other girls their age and discuss way to answer boys when they were proposed, all that was in their minds was that the boys were naughty and Thuli was even afraid that the boys might want to turn her into a dishcloth. She never forgot that after gogo told her about 3 years back.
One day over the weekend when Thuli was at her home she and Vuyi and other girls their age, some girls older, they all went to the forest to collect fire wood (ukutheza, can’t believe I do not know this word in English). They had heard stories of boys from that area where the forest was who liked to block the way home and propose the girls. Thuli and Vuyi would give each other some silly ideas of what they would do if they were to meet those boys. So on their way back from the forest as they were carrying the wood on their head they saw the boys. The boys were of ages, of 12 year up to about 17 years.
“Here is mine” one of the younger boys said to his friend as they got to Thuli and Vuyi.Thuli wished that they did not mean her. “Molo ntombi (hello girl)” the boy said taking Thuli’s hand. Thuli withdrew her hand and greeted back, she was not sure how to feel about being called intombi (an older girl). She heard that if you did not co-operate with those boys they could twist your arm. She certainly did not want her arm twisted.
Boy: what is your name?
Thuli: Thulisile
Boy: owakwabani (your surname)?
Thuli: Mjilo
Boy: umamakho owakwabani (what is your mother’s surname)?
Thuli remembered how she dreaded that question. The fact that she did not know who she was just came into her head, she felt herself getting upset. Then she said forcefully “my mom told me not to talk to strange boys, please leave me alone”. The boy took hold of her arm again. His pal was talking to Vuyiswa. “Ndicela uthando (can I have love)” the boy said to Thuli. “I told you I don’t want to talk to you! Leave me alone.” Thuli said shouting but the boy did not leave her alone. She then screamed and tears filled her eyes and she dropped her wood on the side of the path. That boy’s friend noticed what was happening and he stopped. “hayi mfethu, don’t do that, this girl is Mjilo, she is my family, I will not let you treat her like that” then that friend helped Thuli take back her wood. The other boy said he was sorry. Thuli wiped tears from her eyes and she felt better.
The boy might have noticed that Thuli did not take well whatever he said, so he stopped proposing her and talked about schoolwork then because it happened that he was also doing grade 4 even though he seemed older. After a while all the boys turned back and the girls went home in peace. It was quite an adventure for Thuli and Vuyi; however when they were talking about it no one brought up the fact that Thuli cried or ask her why was she crying.
The year went by and Thuli’s result improved but she was not back to being on top. Mam Lindi let her read then because Sanele spoke to her. Thuli was also introduced to more house work. She could make tea and bathed herself. She also was required to wash dishes after meals if there weren’t a lot of dishes. The paper picking was now Ndudu’s job over the weekend every Saturday morning before going to their home to malume. The 2 were growing up so fast and Thuli was maturing even faster.
That year ended and Nomsa never came back at all even for Christmas. Her course was four years and in year 2000 she was doing her 3rd year. But she never came back. Malume did not tell the children anything about Nomsa and why she was not coming back. Thuli did not ask as well as she was afraid she might upset malume, Thuli just hoped her mother would come back during Easters 2001.
Episode 18
The year was then 2001. Nomsa was supposedly doing her 4th and last year that year. Both Thuli and Ndudu progressed to the next classes and Thuli was getting older now, she was 11 years old, Ndudu was 8. Malume was still coming home only on weekends. Thuli wondered when she and Ndudu and the rest of their family would have a stable home. Thuli would think to herself that the only way they would have a stable home was if malume got married and she and Ndudu would stay with his wife, she imagined.
Thuli just felt like her home was falling apart and malume was the only one who could revive it. She wished she was older so they would stay by themselves. She thought that if she was older then she would stay at her home until Ndudu had his own wife then she would get married after that. Seeing gogo’s house falling into pieces like that was really not pleasant. From what she overheard from other elders of the family she realized that everyone wanted Sanele to get married so the home would be revived. Thuli knew some of Sanele’s girlfriends and from what she knew she was aware that Sanele did not have one girl friend and Thuli was smart enough to know that Sanele was just not ready for a wife. But she got scared at that thought because the more time they spent at mam Lindi’s would mean they would be even more detached from their home.
One day a few weeks before Easter 2001, it was on the weekend and Thuli was by herself at her home. She had exhausted all the books, and even went as far as reading high school books that once belonged to her uncles and mother. Only the big books that she really did not understand were left. She did not feel like repeating anything she had read so she went into malume’s room and went through his piles of papers to see if there was anything she could find.
She went through all the papers and she came across a big envelope that had letters inside. She opened that envelope and saw it contained malume’s received letters. She paged the letters, read some that were from girlfriends, some girls had ugly handwritings so she could not read, some letters just had things she could not understand. Some letters were too long. Then she got to a letter from her mother(Nomsa) that was written in 2000 (previous year) December. Thuli thought the letter might have a reason as to why her mom did not come back. She read it.
A certain paragraph in the letter said “I am not coming back anytime soon as I have realised that I am the outcast of the family. No one loves me in that family. You have even turned my own child against me, Thuli can not even spend 5 minutes in my presence. When I am there she goes to mam Lindi. So why should I stay with people who clearly do not need me and hate me” and the letter went on and on. By the time Thuli finished she was in tears. She had no idea that her mom thought she (Thuli) did not love her (Nomsa). Thuli loved her mom, she just wished she could work on her behaviour and become a better parent, sister, aunt, niece.
Thuli now wished she could take back all the times she talked back to her mother she wished she could go back in December 1999 and spend more time with Nomsa, she even wished to go back to that day when she saw her mother and she(Thuli) wa playing with her friends and did not go to greet her mother. It became very clear now to Thuli that her mother left home because of her (Thuli). It must have been her(Thuli) who caused Nomsa to move to Durban when Thuli was still a toddler. These thoughts hurt Thuli so much, but who could she tell?
She wished to write a letter to her mom and tell her she loved her, but where would she say she got that idea because she was not supposed to read malume’s letters in the first place, she became really sad and wished her gogo was there. She always spoke to gogo about these things. And unlike mamlume gogo would have told them (Thuli and Ndudu) that Nomsa was not going to come back the previous December (or would gogo tell them really?).
Thuli however decided to keep what she read to herself. She just decided that when her mother came back she will spend more time with her, if she ever came back. Easters came and were gone, Nomsa was still no where to be seen. “Malume, ndiyamkhumbula umama” Thuli said one day to her uncle. She was really missing her mother and wished she could come back. There were no cell phones back then and the only way to communicate was writing letters. Unless the other person worked at an office or had a phone at work or the local shop had a phone, then you would call them on those phones. “I will see what I will do mtshana, don’t cry” malume said
Malume had responded to the letter that Nomsa wrote the previous December but Nomsa did not write back. Sanele might have been patient but after not receiving a response he also just got angry and wondered how gogo tolerated such behaviour. Sanele saw the reasons why her mother had high blood pressures and was constantly diagnosed with stress. After Nomsa did not respond he (Sanele) never tried to write to her again. He did have the address and from what he knew he could go to that address and get to his sister if she lived in the same area. But anyway he wrote to her sister after Thuli’s cry and explained to Nomsa that Thuli was crying and wanted to see her.
Nomsa replied…
Episode 19
Nomsa replied that she would come back during June holidays. She asked Sanele to send her love to Thuli and Nduduzo. She mentioned that she was really sorry she did not come back the previous December, she did not know what came over her. She however had stuff to sort out with Thuli during June holidays, that was why she was going to make sure that she was going to come back. She then attached her school results, which were excellent by the way. Nomsa had always been clever academically. She had never failed a class and always got high marks from primary. The only problem with her was her constant dropping out. So the year 2000 results that she attached to the letter showed that she was doing great at school.
Sanele chose not to tell Thuli that her mother said she was going to come back during June holidays. He did not want to put Thuli’s hopes up only to be disappointed once again by her mother. Thuli on the other hand did not forget that she told her malume she missed her mother, she secretly wished that malume would do something about it. She also hoped that her mother would come back, even if it is just for a day or 2 so she could show her that she loved her.
June holidays came and as promised Nomsa came home. As usual she brought goody goodies and some new school uniforms for the kids. She was however very reserved and just looked shy. She locked herself in her room, especially when other people came to her home. It was almost like she was embarrassed to see people; either that or she was irritated by people asking her why she did not come back the previous December. She called Thuli to her (Nomsa) room one day. Thuli went to her mom; no mistake, she made sure she stayed by her mother’s side every chance she got. She was even sleeping with her mom on the same bed.
“You are 11 years old now neh?” Nomsa asked Thuli. “Yes sisi” Thuli responded. “Do you remember when you were younger and you asked me what these were and I said you were still young to understand?” Nomsa asked while showing her a pack of pads (sanitary towels). Thuli nodded. She just thought that whatever her mother was going to tell her was adults thing and she was so ready to discuss adult issues. “Well they are called pads, at some point you will have to use them” Nomsa then explained nicely to Thuli that one day anytime she was going to be a grown up girl etc, etc. She took out one pad and showed Thuli how to put it on. She asked Thuli if she understood, Thuli nodded. Then Nomsa asked Thuli to do one by herself and that was a success.
Nomsa then showed Thuli where she (Nomsa) would keep the pads, should the blood come and Nomsa was not there. “Or I can ask mam Lindi” Thuli suggested. “Thuli, why exactly am I showing this to you if you still want to ask other people? I thought you were clever enough to keep thins information within you and use it when the time comes.” Nomsa replied sounding annoyed. “Oh okay sisi, I will know”.
After that Thuli wanted to go outside as she was starting to feel uncomfortable with the whole pad conversation. She kept the information though and like everything else she has ever been told to keep she did not forget it. She somehow wished the blood would not come when she was by herself, she wondered if it was going to be painful when it came. She however disregarded what her mom said about mam Lindi. If the blood thing was anything like she had seen the other girls in school who were got by the blood surprise then mam Lindi was going to know anyway. She could not keep that from mam Lindi…
A few days went past after that then Nomsa once again called Thuli “Do you still remember the story I told you about Thamsanqa Ntuli?” Thuli had never forgotten that name, she knew exactly who that was, that was her father and she wondered what her mother wanted to tell her (Thuli) about Thami. She resented the guy even though deep down she always wished to see him, but she would never agree to see him because that would be betraying gogo. The guy was bad news, especially after everything he put her (Thuli) family through. Thuli had made it her life rule to never ever seek that guy.
“I remember sisi, you did not tell me the whole story, gogo stopped you, but malume told me everything” Thuli answered. “Okay, I hear you. I want to ask you something about him” Nomsa said