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Episode 61
That afternoon Thuli and Wanda started drinking, Thuli had never tasted alcohol before and she though savana tasted horrible. “I guess it is the price people have to pay to have fun” she thought to herself as she was drinking. Before finishing the fist cider she could feel that alcohol was getting to her and for some reason Wanda seemed more attractive, she imagined how good it would feel if he would touch her. It was a crazy idea she thought, but there was not anything wrong; after all Wanda was her boyfriend.
She had been sitting on the chair while he had been sitting on the edge of the bed. “ngase ndicambalale (I wish to lie down)” she said as she went to the bed. Upon standing up her knees were jelly and she almost tripped and fell, but Wanda held her so she did not fall. “Just one savana Thuls has got to you. I guess it is because it is you fist time.” Wanda said as he was helping he lie on the bed. “No man Wanda, I am not drunk, I am just dizzy” she said as she really felt dizzy. She knew she was drunk but hated to be uncool in front of Wanda. Wanda just laughed and said nothing else.
Wanda suggested that she did not drink anymore but she insisted on drinking just one last cider. She had her dink and while dinking she felt the urge to be lovie dovie with Wanda, something she had never felt before. Wanda did not brush her off but he did not entertain her as he could tell that she was behaving out of character. She however did not stop kissing and touching Wanda, she just felt free and was not afraid of anything, it did not feel like Wanda was going to rape her, she did not fear that he would hurt her. The feeling was really good.
After some time Wanda could not resist anymore and so he kissed his dunk girlfriend back. And he touched her just a bit on the bare skin on her back, To his surprise Thuli did not jump in fear or tense her body as she would usually do. Thuli surprised herself too. Wanda was touching her and she was enjoying it. “I am ready” she said thinking she was whispering. Wanda had a doubtful look in his eyes. “But that is because you are drunk” he said. “Well I want to seize the moment; when I am sober I am scared, now that I am drunk I am fine” she responded already taking off her clothes…
*******
…”Yhoooo, my head” Thuli said after trying to lift her head but it became too heavy and painful. “Hangover, have some disprin” Wanda said as he handed her water and disprin. Thuli drank those then realised she needed to get to the bathroom. Upon standing she realised that she was butt naked, and when she got off the bed she felt a very faint stinging in her private area, then it all came back to her as she sat on the bed again. All along she had been thinking that she had been dreaming when she had sex with Wanda and basically broke her virginity. The incidents of the previous night came back faintly. Wanda had tried to resist but she kept pushing.
She remembered when Wanda’s penis could not get in and she was in pain and when Wanda suggested that they stopped, she said no they must continue as she needed to get over this virginity thing… She could not remember much from that and then she passed out. After these thoughts she did not feel the need to go to the bathroom anymore, she just sat there on the bed in disbelief, after sometime she found her clothes and put them on. Wanda was doing some sandwiches at the time, he glanced at her “Savana and you do not seem to mix very well” he said jokingly. Thuli wondered how he really felt.
“I must go” she said as she stood up to go to her room. Wanda did not stop her. She got to her room and slept once more. When she woke up around 11am she called Vuyi, her old time friend and she told her what had happened. Vuyi was shocked at what had happened. I mean they were both old enough to know that Thuli had a problem of possible getting loose when drunk.
Thuli wondered what was going to happen between her and Wanda and while she was still thinking Wanda came to her room with some beef steaks. He said eating beef while having a hangover was great. Thuli agreed. The 2 of them spoke about other things and avoided talking about the previous night’s scenes. But after some time Thuli could not contain herself, she asked. “What really happened Wanda?”
Wanda: What really happened?
Thuli: Last night when we were drinking I know we kind of… you know… (she said shyly)
Wanda: Yes, you kind of forced me hey, I was left with no option. But you passed out anyway so I let you sleep
Thuli: Oh, I see
Thuli was still not answered, she wanted to know if there had been protection. In her own she could not remember any part where there were condoms, but then again there could have been; but she was really shy to ask. Besides it was not like Wanda had been sober.
They ate in silence, each one of them buried in their thoughts, Thuli wondered if she would be able to let Wanda touch him then that she had let him go all the way (even though she was drunk). She wondered if Wanda would still look at her the same way now that he knows that when she is drunk she just lets go. “I do not think I will drink again” she said finally and breaking the silence. “That is what most people say when they have a hangover” Wanda said in between a soft laugh. “No, not because of the hang over, things I did were just out. I am not like that, but last night I just felt so free that I could do anything. I did not see any boundaries and nothing seemed to matter. I do not want that. I want my conscience to take over, not alcohol”
“Well it would not b that much of a problem if you drink in my presence” boyfriend said. “You just need to try something different, maybe savana is the one that makes you behave that way.”
After Wanda had gone out Thuli told him she would come to his room later that day. Thuli just wanted to see how she would feel when she was touched when she was sober. But she wanted to freshen up first and was going to go there only later around 6 when she would be feeling fine.
I can do without
Episode 62
Around 6 pm Thuli made her way to Wanda’s room. “I thought you were no longer coming hey” he said to her after she had sat down. “Hahahaha I would have called” Wanda then announced that he hadn’t cooked anything as he would normally do on a Sunday, however he had prepared some take aways even for Thuli. Thuli did not say no to this and they ate.
“Yho Vuyi sana, I think sex is not as bad as I always had thought” Thuli said to her friend Vuyiswa the following day after she had finished with her classes as they were speaking over the phone. “Hehehehe, what happened now? I can’t believe that is you talking” Vuyi answered sounding enthusiastic.
Thuli: I went to Wanda’s room last night. I was sober but I think the thought of knowing that he had touched me before (even though I had been drunk) made it easier last night.
Vuyi: So you had no problem at all?
Thuli: Well I was tense a bit in the beginning but after sometime I loosened up.
Vuyi: And the pain?
Thuli: Ye hthere was a bit of pain hey. Oh oh and yes we did use a condom. I made sure
Vuyi: Good girl
That was the conversation as Thuli was telling her fried about what she had done. She was now 100% sure that she was no longer a virgin. And being touched by Wanda had been so great. He had something about him that she had noticed since the previous night. When he held her she would feel protected and nothing else would matter. She could not believe what she had been missing because of fear. Not that it mattered anymore, she was way past that, Wanda did not rape her like Mtheza was going to. So not all guys/men were out to hurt her. She thought as she had a smile on her face.
As the schools were already open the 2 love birds did not see each other as often as during September holidays. Things were back to normal, exams were approaching so one needed to concentrate on the books. Even Wanda did not complain that he was not being given attention. Thuli did not care much about that even though she found it unusual. She had gotten used to his complaining.
It was sometime in the beginning of October; Thuli and one of her girlfriends who were doing the same course were studying together and Thuli started complaining that’s she had a heartburn and felt nauseous. “You should work your stomach (direct translations of taking laxatives)” the friend said. “Maybe I should” She did not finish the sentence and she had to run to the bathroom, to her friend’s amazement. “What is the matter?” Friend asked after she got back. “Hayi man. I have been ignoring this. Ingathi ndineyongo (lost in translation). I have been feeling nauseous for more than a week now and today I even vomited”
“Serious? Hahahahaha, you are pregnant” friend said. “Nah, that is impossible. It’s just PMS because I even have period pains every now an then. Just it is taking too long and the periods are not coming. But what can I do; I am a woman, so I might as well suffer the consequences” Thuli said jokingly “PMS that lasts for more than a week? Like when has that ever happened. When should your periods come?” “Ahhhh” Thuli sighed as she looked like she was thinking hard. “Oh My God! My periods are late, they were supposed to come sometime last week. I wonder what is happening” She said as she was standing up to go to her room leaving her friend there.
When she got to her room she started thinking hard, could she be pregnant? It seemed like a possibility. Yho what if she was? How did that even happen? Mmmh could be that day of Savanna, after all she could not remember putting on a condom, and from what she got from Wanda they did have sex since she had been forcing him. She was starting to freak out. She was so not ready for a baby. Where would she live with a baby? She did not have a home at the moment, she was doing her first year. This was going to inconvenience her so much if it happened to be true.
The next step for her would be either to go buy the pregnancy test then decided afterwards what to do; or she could go tell Wanda about the possibility of being pregnant, and hear what he would have to say. She however did neither of those. Nomsa (her mom)’s story came back to her; what if Wanda would do the same thing Thami did to Nomsa? What if after that then Thuli would change to be everybody’s girlfriend, just like her mother turned out to be after Thami? She had seen the possibility of that happening after what she did when she was drunk. Being a sl*t could as well be in her blood, she could have taken it from her mother. She was afraid that getting pregnant and getting dumped could just trigger that. History could repeat itself.
At that moment her phone rang, it was Wanda. “Hey sweety are you in your room?” he said over the phone. The two of them hadn’t spent a lot of time as a couple since September holidays. Normally Thuli would have gotten excited at hearing her boyfriend being interested of her where abouts “No. I am studying with Lerato” She said lying. “ahhh, I know I can never separate you with your books. Oh well, call me when you are free. I have a surprise for you”
Episode 63
Thuli wondered what the surprise was, she was not sure she wanted to see Wanda because she would not know what to say to him. She was terrible at pretending and she knew that Wanda would just tell that something was up. So she was not going to call him and tell him she was free. She had decided that she was not going to tell anyone about what was happening until she was sure, problem is she did not want to be sure. She secretly wished she could turn back the clock and never get drunk again. But that was impossible.
When Lerato (friend she had been studying with) asked her the following day how she (Thuli) was feeling, she lied that she was feeling better and that her periods came that morning then she changed the subject before they talked too much about it. After her classes were done for that day she was with Wanda in the school bus back to res. They were sitting next to each other. Wanda commented about how he noticed that she was really busy “and I miss you” he said. Thuli felt guilty and promised Wanda that she was going to see him on that coming weekend, he then said he was going to give her the surprise on that weekend. Thuli could not wait to get to res so she could get away from the tension.
All of that week she chose to study alone as she did not want her friends to see her vomiting every now and then. The puking happened almost everyday in the afternoon. After that day when it began it never stopped. So she locked herself in her room and avoided her friends.
On that Friday when she was supposed to go see Wanda the following Saturday she decided to do the pregnancy test once and for all and get over it. She did it alone in her room and it came back positive. Her nightmare came to life right there and there. The thought of seeing Wanda the following day now that she knew what was up did not freak her out. She somehow had a feeling that Wanda would make everything to be okay. He had been so good to her, and up to that moment he had not done anything like a typical guy in Thuli’s mind. So even this one time Thuli was almost sure that he was going to be okay. Those thoughts made her feel better.
That afternoon her mother called her and told her that Luleka (the step twin sister) was getting married that December. So Nomsa wanted Thuli to be ready for that. She(Thuli) had to make sure she had an outfit, Nomsa said. Luleka was around 24 years of age. Had finished school and had just started working. Luleka did not have a baby. That thought made Thuli feel bitter, thinking that everyone in her family will start saying how could she (Thuli) not learn from Luleka.
Now she started to feel really bad. Her gogo, Sanele (late uncle) mam Lindi. She had let all of them down. They all trusted her. Gogo had told her about being a good woman while she (Thuli) was still very young. She had always tried to live as a good girl through her entire life. Always applying gogo’s lessons as she had never forgotten them. She let the guards down just once and everything turned out to be a disaster. Mam Lindi had always been so proud of her (Thuli); She had always shown good behaviour that a lot of people adored. Even some younger girls were shown Thuli as an example of how to behave as a young girl. She had let all of them down.
She was really disappointed at herself and when the A word hit her thoughts (Abortion) she dismissed it. When her thoughts forced her to consider it she then stood firmly against her thoughts. It did not matter what Wanda was going to say, what her family was going to say. What anyone was going to say. She was keeping that baby. As much as Nomsa gave her life under the same circumstances she was planning to give her unborn child a chance to live as well. But she pledged within herself that she would be a much better mother than Nomsa was…
Before she fell asleep she admitted to herself that the real reason she was so against abortion was because she was hoping very much that Wanda would support her and they would be in it together.
Saturday came and Wanda sent her an SMS that she should come after 1pm as he had to go to Menlyn that morning. She was cool with that and around half past one she called Wanda to check if he was in his room. And he was, so she went there.
“I got you something. I wanted something that was going to lighten up your mood during exams, I hope you like it” Wanda said as he gave her a small gift bag. Thuli had completely forgotten about the surprise as she had been so occupied with the pregnancy. She opened the bag and there was a neck piece (jewellery) and matching earrings. She held the items and was speechless. She felt like crying. “I had only bought the earrings last week, I got the necklace this morning when I was at Menlyn. I saw it and just thought of you.” He said as he was all bubbly. She was still standing there and saying nothing.
“You like them? Say something” he said excitedly. They were really beautiful, Thuli had to admit. So she swallowed a spit and said “I love them. Thanks” then she attempted to smile, tears streamed down her face instead. Wanda looked amazed as to why she was crying. It was not the first time he got her something, she had never cried before after receiving a gift. “What is the matter?”… “Nothing. Nothing at all” she said as she wiped away her tears. She had decided against telling him about the pregnancy. So she faked a smile and pretended to be happy. She was not about to spoil Wanda’s mood, she thought.
Episode 64
“Is there something wrong?” Wanda asked Thuli after he realised that she did not seem like her usual self. “No, I am okay” she responded softly. Wanda decided to let it go even though he could tell that she was not okay. “We will have a pens down party after we finish writing. You should come” Wanda said trying to cheer her up. Thuli said nothing and she realised that she was being bad company, and to make things worse she was supposed to be excited especially after receiving a gift. “I need to go. We will talk later neh?” she said.
Wanda did not see the point of stopping her. When she got to her room she went into mxit and found Bonga online. He was the perfect person to give her advice. So after greeting him she said “I am pregnant”
Bonga: You are lying, come on. A shoe under your bed would be pregnant before you did
Thuli: I promise you Bonga. And I need you right now, I need your wisdom. I haven’t told the father. The exams are beginning in a few days and I do not want to worry him.
Bonga: I do not believe you. But if it is true then you should tell him. Exams are coming for you as well and you are worried. You guys should be in this together. Better tell him now girl.
Their conversation went like that, Bonga convinced her that she should tell her boyfriend so she could be able to move forward. So she agreed that she was going to tell Wanda. The following day on Sunday she called him in the morning and he did not answer. She remembered that he could be at church. She then decided to cook a Sunday meal that she was going to share with him. She had never cooked for him before.
After church she called him and asked him to come to her room. She was done cooking and upon smelling the food he got excited that she had cooked and he was going to eat the food. She dished up and Wanda admitted that she was a really good cook. “I must hurry up and marry you before some else does” he said jokingly. Thuli was amused and pleased by that joke. She imagined the 3 of them (Wanda,Thuli and their child) having a good life. Her hope grew.
When they were done eating and they were holding their glasses of coke Thuli decided to tell him. Thuli: Wanda
Wanda: yes sweetie
Thuli: Remember that day when we were drinking together?
Wanda: Yes I remember the day the wild beast in you was unleashed (jokingly)
Thuli: Ya, about that. Were you wearing a condom?
Wanda: No dear. I was not, you did not give me a chance. Why?
Thuli: Errrm… my periods are…
Wanda: What about them?
Thuli: They are late
Wanda: Oh. So? What does that have to do with me not wearing a condom? (he looked confused then looked like he just figured out something) wait Thuls, were you not a virgin? Do you want to tell me that… wait wait. What is up. Just tell me what’s up.
Thuli: I could be…
Wanda: Could be what? (he interrupted her as he was starting to raise his voice just a little)
Thuli: (in a cheeky tone) Well I already did the test yesterday and it came back positive. I am pregnant. Just thought I should let you know.
Wanda: You can’t be pregnant. You were a virgin and we did only one short round. There is no way you could be pregnant
Thuli: (with a disbelief look)well I am pregnant and it was on that day of the savanna because the following day you were wearing a condom. That is what it is.
Wanda: If you are then it is not my child. You went out with your friends this one time. You get all loose when you are drunk. I am sure one of the guys you raped there made you pregnant. Please don’t you dare accuse me! Just because I am a good person! Please
Wanda was on his feet when he said that and he slammed the door behind him as he rushed to his room. Thuli was left there in her room still sitting on the bed, the same position she had been the whole time. She closed her eyes and just had a vision of what seemed to be her world, her hopes and dreams, they were crumbling into small pieces and she saw herself not even willing to pick them up. She just did not have the energy. She did not know what happened after that as she did not open her eyes. When she did open her eyes she was in hospital. Lerato one of her girlfriends came in.
She saw the clock on the wall and saw that it was 10. She wondered if it was still Sunday night or it was another day. She looked at Lerato “Rato, what happened?” Lerato told her that when she (Lerato) went to her(Thuli) room and knocked there was no answer. Then when she opened the door she realised it was not locked. She got inside and found Thuli lying carelessly on the bed with her feet on the floor. Tried to wake Thuli up to no avail and that is when she realised something was wrong and so along with the other girls they called the ambulance.
“What day is it today?” It is Monday morning. The other girls are out there. I thought I should come first alone so to set your mind at ease. At that moment the nurse came and asked how Thuli was feeling, she said she felt okay. The nurse said it was just her (Thuli) sugar level and said other things that I sis Bomi or Thuli could not really relate to. But they all summed up to “it was nothing serious. But more tests were done and the results would come back that afternoon. Since it was a school day and Thuli seemed fine she was released that morning and told to come back either that afternoon or the following day for the results.
She never went back to hospital. She knew that she was going to be told that she was pregnant, she got afraid that those news would somehow get to her mother because Nomsa had already been called after Thuli had fainted. So when Thuli got back to res she called her mother and told her that it was just inyongo and she was fine. Nomsa believed and life moved on.
Now reality started sinking in. Thuli was pregnant and Wanda had been terrible, behaved like a total dog and even insulted Thuli. She did not feel like speaking to him ever again. Besides the comment he made about how she could not get pregnant because she was a virgin just made Thuli to resent him. How could he say something that ignorant, Thuli just could no ‘dzeal’. From then onwards she was going to avoid Wanda, she had decided to cancel Wanda completely out of her life. He had shown her once and for all that he is a guy and was capable of everything Thuli ever feared about guys.
Exams started and morning sicknesses were still bad. But she had learned to time them. She would be with her friends when they were not so bad and in the afternoon when it was around the time for her daily vomits she would then leave her friends until she felt better. She then could study with her friends. From the internet she learned what to eat and things to avoid. The stomach was not showing at all since it was only the first month so she concentrated on her studies and activated the part of her that was able to block anything that made her feel depressed. She was good in her subjects and was not about to let pregnancy ruin her future. She thought that at that moment she still could complete that year and worry about the baby the following year. At least she would know that she has a year of her course eve if her family could decide that she should drop out
Episode 65
The exams went well for Thuli, not as good as she would do if she had nothing occupying her mind. But she still passed all her subjects for that year. During the exams she avoided Wanda as much as she could; even getting inside the school bus she would check if he is not there before getting in. She did not want to know anything about him. No one knew about the pregnancy except for her, Wanda and Bonga. Bonga would rarely ask about the pregnancy but later realised that Thuli did not like talking about it and so he let it go. Her friends never brought the subject since that time she first vomited.
After the exams were over Thuli then shopped for an outfit she would wear at a wedding. She invited Bonga to the wedding and he said he would see. Just before she went home Bonga spoke to her once again on mxit.
Bonga: Thuli you are still not talking to Wanda?
Thuli: What can I possible talk to him about?
Bonga: He is the father of the baby, at some point he has to be there for the child.
Thuli: No Bonga, I do not want to hear anything from him. I will never forget what happened to my mother. Even after she had given up on Thami he still mocked her. I do not want that.
Bonga: Wanda could still be in shock, which is why he reacted that way. Men are not as strong as women Thuli. Maybe he will come around.
Thuli: If he comes around he must do it on his own. The last thing I need is another humiliation. I grew up without a father; my baby can do the same.
Bonga finally gave up and Thuli could not believe Bonga wanted her to go suck up to Wanda after everything Wanda did to her. She tried not to think about it and how much she was disappointed. Yes she grew up without a father, but was it nice did she enjoy? No, she never enjoyed it. There was always a hole in her heart. Besides Nomsa was Mjilo; she(Thuli) was Mjilo, now her child would have to be Mjilo as well. That was very hard to swallow. It was like the curse was just going on. It was like a circle that would never end. To think that there was nothing she could do about the situation made it worse. She started crying and she wet her pillow with tears.
It was time to go home, beginning of December. She decided to stay at res as long as possible. She was going to leave when the res officially closed for students. The less time she spent at home, the better. So second week of December everyone had to leave and the school was officially closed. She went home at uMzimkhulu to Nomzi and Nduduzo. When she got there she remembered that she did not have her own bedroom. Things had changed, Nomzi was then using Thuli’s bedroom, Lulu (Thuli’s cousin) was using what used to be Ndudu’s room. Thuli assumed that Ndudu was using the outside room which Nomzi had been using.
Thuli put her bags in Lulu’s room and went to the outside room to check. She saw that indeed Ndudu’s bed was there, what was strange though was that it showed that no one had been sleeping in that room for a while. She called Ndudu’s cellphone and Ndudu said he was at mam Lindi. This was disturbing to Thuli. If Ndudu who was a legitimate child there did not feel at home, what about her.
“Malumekazi, I put my bag in Lulu’s room” She said to her malumekazi who had been busy since she got there. It had been hard to even say hellow the was she had been so busy. “Okay mtshana. It is not her room. I just thought you girls should share a room since you are both girls. I hope you do not mind that I moved into your old bedroom. It was easier that way” Malumekazi responded. Thuli got it. And she did not see any problem with that, she did not live there anymore and even Ndudu seemed to be living at mam Lindi. Godo’s home was far from being Thuli’s home. She was then just a visitor there.The wedding was in a few days and Nomzi said they would go together with the taxi. Thuli did not see the problem.
“Thuli, I have noticed that you do not eat chicken. What is up with that? You used to love chicken” Nomzi said on the second day Thuli had been there. “Just nje malumekazi. No reason at all” Thuli responded shyly. She could not stand even the smell of chicken and luckily for her the vomitng had decreased a bit, so she did not do it that much and at least Nomzi was at work most of the time since she was a nurse. The following morning after Nomzi had asked her about chicken she asked her “Mtshana, can you give me one of your pads? I am out and I need them right now” “Ah malumekazi, I do not have them, I was still going to buy.” She responded out of surprise. “That is very strange mtshana, you always have them. Things change I guess”
Thuli told malumekazi she was going to see mam Lindi for those few days until the day they would hav to leave for the wedding. She went there and saw Nduduzo and mam Lindi. Mam Lindi was excited like always when she saw Thuli. “You look so grown up. IPitori iyakuvuma ntombi, uphume necompi(Pretoria is good to you, you even have complexion)”. Thuli just blushed at the compliment. She had been getting a lot of that since she got home. Everyone was telling her how beautiful she was. Some even said she was glowing.
I can do without
Episode 66
Spending time with mam Lindi proved to be great and pleasant for Thuli. Mam Lindi’s children were not back yet and mam Lindi’s grandchildren went to visit their parents. So it was just mam Lindi, Ndudu and Thuli, just like it was in the back in the day. Thuli cooked on all those few days she was there so she made sure she did not cook any chicken. Mam Lindi did not make any comments that showed that she was suspicious of the pregnancy.
The day to go to the wedding arrived and Nomzi and Thuli went on their way to Mthatha. There was a lot to do there so when they got there it was work straight away. Mam Lindi had told Thuli she would go to the wedding only on the wedding day. Mam Lindi admitted that she was worried about Nomzi and Nomsa being in the same place and mam Lindi urged Thuli to keep an eye on them.
While busy with wedding preparations Nomzi kept asking Thuli if she was not tired. Thuli would say she was fine. Nomzi however kept/ asking until Thuli got annoyed “I said I was okay. What is your problem?” She then stormed out and went to the backroom (Mluleki’s room). She cold not go to Luleka’s rom because that was busy, she wanted to be alone. Luckily Mluleki (step brother) was not in his room so Thuli got in there and threw herself on the bed! “Nomzi is so annoying” she thought .
She chilled there for a while then Nomsa called her and asked where she (Thuli) was. She told her mother where she was and Nomsa came there.
Nomsa: Why did you shout at Nomzi? I know she is very annoying but you should not shout at her like that in front of so many people
Thuli: Sorry sisi. I will apologise to her
Nomsa: You have been so within yourself ever since you got here. It is so unlike you. You are usually so jolly and greeting everyone. But since you got here you hardly talk to people and just keep yourself busy with work. What is up?
Thuli: Ah sisi, there is a lot of work.
Nomsa: If you say so.
After a few more minutes Thuli went back to work and she made sure she was away from Nomzi. The wedding day came and the groom’s family took the bride after the church service. Thuli preferred not to attend the second part of the wedding (groom’s family). She just went back home and rested. Everyone came back much later that day. Thuli chilled in Mluleki’s room because the older women were in Luleka’s room Mluleki said Thuli could sleep there as he just went away for the night.
The following morning Thuli went to the main house and she heard Nomzi, Nomsa and mam Lindi talking in Luleka’s rom. She could hear what they were saying because the dor was open. She listened instead of going in.
Nomzi: I am telling you. That young girl is pregnant. I know these things.
Mam Lindi: Thuli would never do that, I am sure. She is a smart girl and knows what is important.
Nomsa: I agree with mam Lindi. But the way she lost her temper yesterday got me thinking as well. That was so unlike her.
Nomzi: Exactly. And I just want to make it clear that I will not be raising another fatherless baby. She will have to be someone else’s problem. Not mine. If she is really pregnant then she need to be taught a lesson. She can not go to school next year. She must nurse the pregnany then rise her child!
Mam Lndi: Oh come on Nomzi. We are not even sure she is pregnant…
Thuli did not want to hear any other things, she ran back to Mluleki’s room. But he was already back from his night out. “What’s wrong? Who is chasing you? “ He asked her since Thuli came in running. She was shocked to see him there as she had not been expecting him. “Ai, no nothing. The cold morning breeze outside, whooo”She replied. “Hahahahaha hay suka, it is not that cold. Anyway I did not sleep the whole night. I need to catch up if you do not mind.” He said. “No problem. I will just go make breakfast.” She went out. She found Nomsa already making breakfast and she greeted, Nomsa asked her to help her and she agreed.
She noticed that whenever she was not looking Nomsa would stare at her, that made her uncomfortable and as soon as they were done with breakfast she told her mother that she was leaving that day. Nomsa told her that was okay and that she should go that morning if it best suited her. “Remember to call me if you need anything okay? I am still your mother and I love you”.
Upon leaving Mthatha she thought that Wanda could be anywhere because he was from Mthatha, that thought gave her chills down her spine, she was so not ready to see him. She also did not feel like going back home because Nomzi was just going to make life harder for her mam Lindi would also be looking at pregnancy symptoms. She called her high school friend Ntombi and asked if she could visit her for a few days. Ntombi was excited and she agreed. She planned to stay at Ntombi’s until before Christmas then she would go back home for Christmas and think of somewhere else to go before schools reopen.
Episode 67
Ntombi was very pleased to see Thuli and the two girls were catching up and it was fun. Thuli still did not entirely trust Ntombi so she did not tell her about pregnancy. She did not talk about anything much involving her love life. She just told Ntombi that she found a boyfriend, and Ntombi was pleased to hear the news and she wanted o hear more. But Thuli changed the subject and instead told Ntombi stories about Pretoria.
In the afternoon Thuli got a call from Nomsa. “Nomzi said you are not home. Where are you?” “I went to Ntombi’s place sisi.” She replied coolly. “Okay. Don’t you want to come and stay with me this festive? It is just me and tat’ uLanga. Luleka is married and Mluleki is never home anyway. Your brother (Nomsa’s second child with tat’uLanga) is going to visit his grandmother soon.” Nomsa said pleadingly.
Thuli thought about that. Nomsa needed to know about the pregnancy and she was obviously already suspecting and being next to her (Nomsa) would make her(Nomsa) see even more symptoms. If Nomsa found out on her own then it would be easier for Thuli to tell Nomsa and just confirm. She decided to go back to her mother, the sooner Nomsa knew about the pregnancy the better it would be for Thuli and the baby since Nomsa would have more time to make whatever decision. So that was it.
After a few days and just before Christmas Thuli went to Mzimkhulu and did not talk much with Nomzi, she just packed her bag and got ready to leave for Mthatha on that same day. “Where are you going?” Nomzi asked. “I am going to Mthatha to my mother”. “You call her your mother now? She is no longer your sister?” Thuli chose not to respond to that. “So your baby will call you sister as well huh?” Nomzi continued. Thuli looked on the side; she was holding her bag on the shoulder and said nothing. “You were such a clever child. You know you have let your family down right?” Thuli still did not answer she just went towards the door. “Run away from the truth Thuli, just like your mother! I knew you were just too god to be true! All this time you had been pretending to be holier than thou while you were dirty behind closed doors!”
Thuli said nothing and just went away without looking back and she walked fast. She was furious. Nomzi all along had been pretending to love her. Then Thuli remembered all those times she would even move away from Nomzi because of the stuff Nomzi would say about Thuli not having a father. Thuli started to wonder why Ndudu was no longer living there. Whatever the reason- Thuli was sure it had to do with Nomzi being a monster that she was. Thuli swore that day that she disliked Nomzi and wished her uncle never married her(Nomzi). The thought gave her grief because Nomzi was running gogo’s house. Where would Thuli go home then? She could not go to the Langa’s, she was not a Langa.
Anyway she decided to go to her mother anyway and she was not planning to tell her mother about what Nomzi had said because Nomsa would just want her (Thuli) to go live in Mthatha. Besides it would just cause so much family drama because Nomsa liked causing those.
When Thuli was in Mthatha she told her mother about the pregnancy right after Christmas and to her surprise Nomsa became very supportive and asked how far the pregnancy was. She also asked Thuli the big question as to who the father was. Thuli did not answer that question. She just looked down and wished she would cry but no tears came.
Nomsa: Listen Thuli, if you do not want to talk about it is okay. When you are ready you will tell me. I know how hard it can be for you”
At these words tears did come out from Thuli’s eyes. She remembered how sad she would feel whenever her mother told her the story of when Nomsa was pregnant with her(Thuli). She felt very sorry for Nomsa at that moment as she (Thuli) was trying to imagine what Nomsa was going through now that Thuli had just gotten pregnant too. And Nomsa looked like she could tell that things were not good between Thuli and the baby dad. Thuli wished she could turn back time and return to the time when she was uptight and boring and did not want any boyfriend.
Upon being unable to say anything she stood up and went to Luleka’s (now technically Thuli’s) bedroom and closed the door behind her. “I was supposed to make sisi proud. At least give her something that would make her feel good about getting pregnant with me. I was a mistake and I was supposed to turn things around. Now I did the opposite of that and did the exact same thing sisi did! How could I be so useless? Maybe Nomsa should have aborted me, because I am nothing but a pain giver to her! Always disappointing her! No wonder she behaves like a psycho sometimes” Those were Thuli’s thoughts as she had her head buried on the pillow. But she felt herself smiling at the last thought (her mother being psycho). That was really funny to think about.
At that moment she heard Nomsa shouting “Thulisile! Come here, come fast!! Run!” Nomsa sounded excited. Thuli thought it could be something good that Nomsa was calling her for. She wiped her tears and went to her mother. Her mother was holding a paper “Sisi what is it?” she asked her mother who was almost jumping with joy. “Your results just came nntombi! Gosh, I am so proud of you.” Thuli took the paper from her mother and saw that she did really good. None of the subjects were below 65, she almost got a distinction in one. Thuli knew that she had made it but she thought she got the average marks since she was not feeling well during exams. The two ladies rejoiced together.
Episode 68
Tat’uLanga was right outside the house and as he heard cheers he came in and asked what was up. After being told of the results he congratulated Thuli and offered to take them out. The rest of December went fine and Thuli kept wondering if she would go to school the following year. Nomsa hadn’t said much about pregnancy and what would happen the following year and Thuli was afraid to ask her mother. Thuli as well was not sure if she wanted to go back to school or stay home. Nothing mattered to her. She was willing to do anything that Nomsa would decide.
In January Nomsa asked “So do you need to register again for the second year or everything is sorted?” Thuli was surprised and happy to hear Nomsa saying that. “In January I have to register again for the second year. But the process is easier, The bursary will arrange a lot of things for me.” Nomsa told Thuli that Thuli would return to school that year and since she was doing a year course Thuli was going to give birth in June, hopefully during holidays then leave the baby home and go back to Pretoria. Thuli did not bother to ask Nomsa where exactly she would have to leave the baby.
Also Nomsa told Thuli that she (Nomsa) would tell the family about the pregnancy only later and did not tell Thuli why was that. Thuli was just pleased that she was going back to school. When the time to go back to school she just left from Mthatha and did not bother to go to Mzimkhulu to fetch the rest of her clothes. She felt bad that she did not say good bye to Mam Lindi. But what else could she do. Obviously Nomzi had told everyone in the area about the pregnancy and they would all be looking at Thuli like she was some cheap girl. Thuli was just happy that Nomsa was by her side. She thought that nothing else mattered.
Thuli was 3 months pregnant and about to turn 4 months. Her stomach was still not showing at all but she was starting to gain just a little weight. Her girls teased her that the festive was good to her, they all laughed about it. Before the classes started she got a call from Wanda. He had never called her from that day when he was told she was pregnant.
“Hi Thuls, how are you?” he said over the phone after it had been ringing for a while with Thulisile not picking it up. “I am okay. What do you want?” Thuli replied cheeky.
Wanda: Can I come there and we can talk?
Thuli: Talk about what?
Wanda: Thuli I want to… Can I talk with you please
Thuli: Okay, whenever it suits you, you can come. (she said as if she did not mean it)
Thuli wondered what the hell Wanda wanted to talk about. She could not imagine him apologising for what he said and taking responsibility. She only imagine him humiliating her and making he even more miserable. “But he will not get to me. I am stronger than that” She heard herself saying out loud.
Wanda called again in that afternoon that very same day and asked if he should come; Thuli agreed. She had prepared herself for any nonsense that Wanda could be bringing her way. She just wanted to tell him once and for all where to get off. Not even once did it cross her mind that Wanda could be trying to reconcile. “Hallo, can I come in?” Wanda said as he was at the door and Thui in front of him. “Ya sure. I need to sleep soon though.” She said as she sounded like someone who really did not care.
Wanda: How are you?
Thuli: Are you serious? So you came all the way here to ask me how I am? You must be joking.
Wanda: I just want to… Sorry about that. About the baby…
Thuli: What baby? What the hell can you say about a baby?
Wanda: I thought you had told me you were pregn…
Thui: So I did and you made it clear that wena uchama isprite (you ejaculate sprite). So now mr Sprite man what can you possible say about this baby which there is no way it could be yours? (Your words, not mine)
Wanda: Please Thuls, calm down
Thuli: Calm down? And then what? Hear what kind of humiliation you have brought for me this time? You do not seem like you know what you came here for. Please leave and never call me or come here ever again. I never want to see you!
Wanda: But Thuli…
Thuli: But nothing! Get out (Thuli was shouting and she had tears streaming down her face)
After Wanda had left, all the words from the previous year that he had said to her came back! She hated Wanda! She was never going to let her baby see that Wanda person! She let out one really loud “Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh”. She was angry, upset, teary and wished she could fall asleep and wake up after 10 years! She heard her phone ring but did not bother to answer it. She just took it and put it on silent without even checking who was calling.
Episode 69
Thuli fell asleep and woke up the following morning which was Saturday. She took her phone under the pillow and discovered that she had a few missed calls and 2 sms’s. Missed calls were from Bonga and one of her girl friends. The two sms’s were from Bonga and Wanda. She opened the sms from Bonga “I tried to call you. Please buzz me when you go to mxit. I have something to tell you”. Thuli wondered what that could be. She frowned at Wanda’s sms and did not open it. She buzzed Bonga and she went on mxit.
Bonga: Remember I told you I was going to look for Thamsanqa last December?
Thuli: Yes, did you find him?
Bonga: Well no one lives at his home anymore. I have been told that he has moved from Cape Town to overseas. I managed to get his phone number and we have another brother who is younger than us.
Thlu: Wow really? Where does he live?
Bonga: Here in Durban. He is studying at some college. Anyway that is not the important news.
Thuli: There is more?
Bonga: Yes I called Thami and I have been talking to him. He is not so bad. Anyway after he knew who I was he asked if I know you. Well he did not say your name but he described you and your mother. He never forgot you.
Thuli: Well he did nothing about that. So it does not change anything.
Bonga: So you do not want his contact?
Thuli: Did he want mine?
Bonga: I did not tell him I know you. That is not my place.
Thuli: I do not want to speak to him.
The conversation went like that and Thuli made it clear that her mind still hadn’t change. Within herself she really could not deny the fact that she would like to meet at least the so called brother and learn more. But she believed that she was in no position to meet such people in her condition. She was pregnant and needless to say she was ashamed about that.
The year went on, Thuli no longer had morning sicknesses and her stomach was showing but only a little bit, only a few people could notice. She was doing well in her classes and as many people know during the 2nd trimester of pregnancy (4 – 6 months) you are most energetic and rarely feel the pregnancy symptoms except for the growing body. She was able to put her troubles aside and concentrate on her studies. But seeing Wanda every now and then got to her. She would cry every time after seeing him, at the same time she did not want to hear anything he had to say. She even deleted the sms he had sent without reading it.
Wanda would call her sometimes and Thuli ignored his calls and deleted his sms’s. She had decided not to go home during Easters, but she notice that Wanda did go home before the school even closed. She was just relieved that he decided to go soon so she would have more time without having to deal with avoiding him.
Before schools closed she got a call from Nomsa asking when she would come back. Thuli told her mother that she was not going home. Nomsa did not argue with that. “I was hoping to tell the family the news this Easter, but if you are not even coming then I do not see the point” Nomsa said. Thuli really did not care if her family knew or not. As long as Nomsa was okay with her pregnancy, Thuli was happy.
Thuli was not entirely alone during Easter Holidays (March). She was 6 months pregnant and the stomach was showing very well. Some of her friends were there as well and they hadn’t touched the subject. But during the Easter holidays Thuli learned that her friends have been suspecting that she was pregnant and had been talking about it behind her back. Lerato who was also her study buddy and whom she was closest to said they were afraid to ask her because every time they would bring it up Thuli would change the subject. So they just decided to let it go. Thuli said nothing about all of that and was just relived that her friends knew. They knew she broke up with Wanda so they did not bother her about that.
One day during the holidays, just a few days after the schools had been closed Thuli got a phone call from a number she did not recognise. “Hello” She said. “Hi, is that Thulisile Mjilo?” said a lady on the other side. “Yes, how can I help you?” Thuli enquired. “My name is Nobuhle Dlamini, ndiyisister ka Wanda Dlamini, uyamazi?(I am Wanda Dlamini’s sister. You know him?)”
Episode 70
“I know him” Thuli replied coolly. She wondered why that lady would be calling her. “Okay sana. I am sorry to be calling you like this, but I believe Wanda made you pregnant. Neh?” Thuli thought whoo that lady was forward, she just got straight to the point and did not even give Thuli time to breath. “Ehm…” Thul responded, not sure what to say. “I know what he did Thuli, and I am really sorry about that. I assure you, that is not how we were raised as family. But I am willing to make things right because at the end of the day, that is our child you are pregnant with; whether Wanda likes it or not.”
Thuli really could not believe how forward the lady was. Yhuuu! “I know sisi” she managed to say. “Have you told your parents?” “Yes I told my mom”… “Ncoooh. I hope everything is great with that”… The conversation went on for sometime and this lady did not give Thuli sometime to express her anger. It was like Nobuhle called her (Thuli) ready to tell her what is what. They spoke for sometime and Nobuhle asked if Thuli told her parents about Wanda. She asked this because she was wondering how come Thuli and her mother(s) never came to the Dlamini’s as the tradition/culture to report the damage. Thuli said nothing much about that.
Nobuhle then asked Thuli to please speak to her mother about the Dlaminis and see if Nomsa would take Thuli to report the pregnancy at Wanda’s home. Thuli said she could not promise anything. No matter how hard Nobuhle convinced Thuli that Wanda admitted the pregnancy and was not going to deny it when it was reported, Thuli still was not positive and just said she would see what Nomsa would say.
After the call Thuli felt a sense of relief within her. There was hope once again. So she called her mother and told her about Nobuhle and what she (Buhles) had requested. Nomsa did not want to hear any of it. She made it clear that no daughter if hers would ever go through what she (Nomsa) went through. It sounded like Nomsa was really afraid that the same thing that happened to her (Nomsa) could happen to Thuli as well. Getting denied in front of your family and your baby dad’s family was the last thing Nomsa wanted for Thuli. She(Nomsa) was determined to keep her(Thuli) safe from it. However Nomsa promised Thuli that she (Nomsa) was going to talk to the family and see what they would suggest.
After that Thuli felt easy. She wondered what her family would decide. She was also not willing to be taken to Wanda’s home. She was still very mad at Wanda but she felt softer when she thought that Wanda actually told her family (even if it was just her sister) about the pregnancy. She now regretted all those time she would ignore and avoid him. Maybe he had been wanting to tell her about that.
Anyway after 2 days Nomsa called Thuli and told Thuli that Nomzi was the one pushing that Thuli be taken to Mthatha to Wanda’s home. Mam Lindi was against it. So Nomsa and the rest of the mothers had decided that if the Dlaminis wanted the child then they should approach the Mjilos and everything would be taken from there.
Thuli thought that was a great plan. She sent an sms to Nobuhle telling her about that. Nobuhle called back. “But Wanda haven’t told our parents” Buhle said sounding worried. “Well there is nothing I can do. My family has decided.” Thuli said coldly. She was thinking “I was able to tell my own parents. Wanda should do the same. If he can’t then they can all go to hell” she thought. And that was that. Nobuhle told Thuli then that she would see what they would do. She had been asking Thuli if she wanted to speak to Wanda and Thuli had always strongly refused to speak to Wanda. Thuli still resented the guy.
Thuli wonderd what was going to happen. Then she got an sms from Nobuhle’s number. “Hi Thuls, it is me. Told my parents about you and the baby and they said they would do something once the baby is born. From Wanda”. Thuli could not believe she just read and finished an sms from Wanda! “He tricked me” she thought. But that was that, she was going to see what would happen then. She did not tell Nomsa anything.
Mam Lindi also called her “Hehe, Thuli. I can not believe that what Nomzi had been saying is true! You were really able to hide it child.” Mam Lind went on about how she was disappointed but had learnt to accept it. Mam Lind also expressed that she was happy with Nomsa’s decision to keep Thuli at school. “You can finish studying, get a job and have a good life with your child. All is not lost my child”… Thuli had always thought mam Lindi was an amazing person to have in one’s life. That hadn’t changed.
Schools reopened. Wanda came to Thuli’s room and he was let in. “Is the baby kicking yet?” he asked fondly. Thuli was just giving him a cold shoulder. “I am 6 months pregnant, what do you think?” she said rudely.” She never let him touch her stomach and would just respond nasty to him. She let him come to her room sometimes and talk about the baby, even though she would be harsh.
“I am trying everything I can to make things right! Why won’t you let me in? I would like to be part of the pregnancy too. Is that too much to ask? Am I wrong to want t support you emotionally? It has been a month now and you do noting but be rude to me!” Wanda said as he snapped at Thuli this one time after he was showing Thuli some clothes he brought for the baby and Thuli had criticised the clothes. “Well I found out I was pregnant. Told you about it and you insulted me and cold me a drunk loose rapist and that virgins do not get pregnant. You made me to suffer and lay on a pool of my tears every night. You did not even seem like you cared, and now just because it suits you, you want to play daddy and I a supposed to just go along with it?” Thuli shouted back.
“I am so sorry Thuli. I had no idea that was what I put you through. I was shocked and could not believe it when you told me about it. I am really sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I was very stupid of me. Please forgive me”’ He said sincerely. Thuli felt warmth in her heart. She felt herself letting go of the anger. She realised that all this time she had been angry at him because he had never apologised. She could not say anything, the hormones got better of her and she felt hot tears streaming down her cheeks
End of chapter 7.